Crazies on the Net!


 

So, you’ve put your profile up on a Muslim marriage website, and you wait in anticipation for a response while you browse other profiles. Suddenly, a message pops up.

“Salaamo alaikum, I like your profile. Let’s talk.”

Great! Allahu akbar! That’s what you’re here for right? Until the next email is- “I know you’re the one. Let’s get married.”

Wait- what? Um, that was a bit fast. We haven’t even discussed anything yet.

“I know, but I’ve read your profile and this is it. We will work.”

Does this really happen? Sadly, it does. I’ve heard of both brothers and sisters being emailed by someone of the opposite gender who has stated “I love you” or “Marry me” in the first email. One brother was approached by sister who stated that she just had to marry him, and not to worry about the wedding, she would pay for everything. In her second email.

People, let’s be clear- you can smell desperation. Even through the internet.

And then there’s the opposite. You’re getting to know someone and it looks like there is progress when they state “I don’t think I want to get married for another five years.”

Excuse me for stating the obvious but- why are you on a Muslim marriage website?! If you want to “date” for five years, then you’re in the wrong religion.

So, what’s my advice if you ever get one of the “marry me now” emails? Ignore the person and hopefully they’ll get the hint. And if they email you again, block them. This is not someone who is looking for a marriage partner. This is someone looking for a fast marriage. Or a visa. There’s a big difference between looking for the right person, and looking for any person.

If the person does not want to get married for another few years, then they are not serious and they are wasting both their time and yours. Politely end the emailing and move forward.

Above all, always do your istikharas, trust Allah’s guidance, and when you know something is wrong, step away.

Remember- Allah’s always watching!

15 Comments

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  2. Nab

    Aoa

    totally agree with the idea of interesting discussion forum over here. How this would be different from just an ordinary forum would be that we know that everyone is looking for a life partner, so if you like someone’s view and they seem intellectual enough, you could just private message them.

  3. suhaila rahiman

    @someone,

    i agree, i do find this like a fishing expedition most of the time. The discussion room idea is fantastic!

    A forum for members to talk about anything & everything (Not only marriage stuff), it’d be interesting, no?

  4. someone

    @Suhaila

    Actually, I think you bring up a great point. I think there should be some kind of forum or discussion room where people can chat on a thread about a relevant topic. Through that you can kind of gain interest in a person and maybe contact them and go from their.

    Their real name doesn’t have to be revealed just like on HOD profiles, therefore keeping their identity discreet.

    The HOD process seems kind of like fishing. Don’t get me wrong I think it is very efficient and have recommended it to others, but this other idea seems like it could be a little more interactive and personalized.

  5. Ania

    @Jzajza Salam
    I found your comment a bit offensive. I’m a white muslimah and I don’t wish to be classified as “exploitable white girl”. Insha Allah you realize that white and black are equal, Arab and non Arab. Such jugmental opinions in my personal opinions shouldn’t be posted. There is one good advice … If you can’t say something good and are going to say something insulting then stay quiet.

  6. Sabrien

    Suhaila, HOD is all about privacy and I think linking the names with profiles would cause privacy issues. Linking the names with profiles would change the whole policy of HOD.

  7. suhaila

    on a totally unrelated note, i think it would be much helpful if the comments here are linked to the profiles of the commenter. I think we learn more about the a person through his comments on various topics and it would be nice to see who he/she is. or will it cause privacy and confidentiality issues?

  8. I am Someone too

    I agree with “someone”. It’s even worse when THEY start contacting you, you send a reply back (when you’re interested too) and then they ignore you. At least send a reply back saying you have lost your interest. I just find it rude when they ignore a reply while they started the conversation in the first place. It’s just not right. Either be serious when you send a message, or don’t send anything at all. And when you have lost your interest, SAY IT. There’s nothing wrong with that, I would actually appreciate it a lot and respect you even more because of your honesty. And then both sides can move on.

  9. ro

    Yes, I agree with the rudeness issue. Instead of leaving someone hanging wondering what is going on people should be more considerate and answer with a clear disinterest.

  10. someone

    I haven’t encountered these types of people yet, hamdulillah. I have encountered rudeness though. When someone sends a really nice, thoughtful email. The least you can do is reply. Even if its just to say, not interested, or talking to someone else. Not saying anything makes a person think, uh did they not get my email?

    Its just plain rude. Most people on the site are here for the same reason, so people should try to be more considerate. I am thinking of writing something on my profile about this! LOL>

  11. Zaufishan

    And on that note.

    6 Brothers to Avoid on Muslim Marriage Sites.
    {http://www.zaufishan.co.uk/2011/11/online-muslim-marriage-sites.html}

    Success and blessings HOD team, salam`alaykum Ali.

    Zaufishan, England.

  12. Jzajza

    LOL astafurallh, nobody is doing that to everybody, I think we get this idea that one persons problem is everybodies problem. I have never met anyone online on a Muslims site anyway cause they are all looking for exploitable white girls.

  13. Ameen

    LOL! Nice. I definitely know where you are coming from. I dont even know why they want to spend the money to get on marraige site if they will get cold feet at the end.

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