Being Ready for Marriage


During your journey to find your other half everyone will have an opinion on how ready you truly are for marriage. Your parents may tell you that if you want a spouse you need to find a better job first. A friend might make an off handed comment about how you should be more organized if you are serious about getting married. Maybe they think you should take better care of your appearance or start taking the deen more seriously.

While everyone will have an opinion of what you should or shouldn’t do in order to be ready for this life altering occasion the truth is no matter how prepared  you think you are for marriage it will take you by surprised. Every relationship will come with it’s own unique set of of extreme joys and trials. Just because they are speaking from experience does not mean your experience will mirror theirs. There is no check list that you can go through to ensure you will know how to respond.  That is why getting ready for this momentous occasion will be different for everyone.

The best thing you can do as you await your other half is to begin doing everything you put off doing till you found (or dreamed of doing with) your spouse. Take an inventory of the important aspects of your life such as your education, your deen, your happiness. Identify the goals you hope to achieve in each and begin to aspire to them.

If you had always desired to continue further in your education go ahead and apply to universities or grad schools. If you hope to wake up for fajr every morning, set your alarm across the room from now instead of waiting for someone else to be by your side to wake you up. If you have always wished to take a trip to a new country each year start now—the stories you will have to tell your future spouse will be priceless.

As much as you love to share your life with your spouse and as much as they  make you a better person you have to start on your goals yourself. By doing so you will be more content, happy, and have healthier relationships. As you search for your other half, begin to create the life you want to share with them instead of waiting for them to appear in your life to give you a push in the right direction.

12 Comments

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  1. Nasir M

    Hassan,
    All you can do is try. Rejection is no buggy for us men. I am not talking about just ladies rejecting us but rejection is a fact of life and every rejection makes us stronger and better. I got rejected with ladies soooo many times that I lost track of it. When I married my first wife she was pleasantly surprised by my courage to ask her out “halal way” off-course and in two months we were married for 14 years :-).
    You did you part did Istikhara, asked her now rest is up to Allah. What ever happens is good for us Inshallah.

    Chin up soldier.

    Mas Aslama.
    Nasir M.

  2. Hassan

    Alhamdulillah, all your advice has been priceless. I wish I had amazing friends like you around me at all times, I know I would be fine. I prayed Istaqara, I talked to my parents and I mustered the courage to approach the sister and ask her if she would consider spending her life with me. I told her straight up, that I will do whatever it takes to support you, put food on the table, pay the bills, keep you smiling and be a good husband, Insh’Allah. We might not have a house but we can get a small place of our own and start our family and I know that Allah will provide. I asked her to think about it and not give me an answer just yet. I just wasnt ready to face a rejection as it took my quite some time to be courageous enough to even approach her… I asked her yesterday, will wait patiently….. (biting on finger nails and praying)

  3. Saifullah

    Hasan If it gets to hard .You must remember to Follow the Sunnah Of Prophet Muhammad(swas).He married people that were’nt financially wealthy And told them to depend on Allah(swt) to bring them wealth while still working on it them self.We tend to want to rely on are selfs and not Allah (swt) .My self included.

  4. Nasir

    I think if you have some job that is good enough. Just be honest with your future wife that at this point this is all I make but IA I will keep striving for more and better. Your wife will also bring her own Rizq from Allah and also this will be a better test for both of you so you know how to go through thick and thin. Any body can be nice to you when you are making ton of money, real test is when you are not making so much money. Also know this that one of the reason Marriage is prescribed on us is so we can stay out of trouble Inshallah. Wa Allah Alam.

  5. Irfan

    Salaam
    Why don’t you guys just talk it over with your potential spouses or the family. You should not let this hold you back in pursuing the girl, or at least I think so.
    Shouldn’t be a deal breaker right? I think it’s common for both spouses to work in this crappy economy.

    Good Luck!

  6. Waseem

    Bro Hasan ! if u have a halal job or a way of regular halal earning .. and r able to manage ur and ur household expenses.. I would say ‘Go ahead ! ‘… speak to ur mom dad and let them know that u r ready for marriage.. But it all depends on what ur parents and her parents think about it.Their call is the final call . Ask Allah after every prayer to help u in getting married and to give Barakah in ur Halal earnings… May Allah help all of us to make the right decisions in the right way..

  7. H.A

    Hassan your problem extends to Muslimahs too so I wouldn’t despair (even though that’s a lil rich coming from me). I understand that it is the husbands duty to provide for his wife, but in this century, females too are educating themselves and in the same rubbish job scarcity as yourself. Females working after marriage is becoming less of a choice and more of a necessity.

    My issue is exactly the same (degrees, skills, experiences…the rest of the spiel we were told would aid a better brighter future) yet in a job that I could have got at 18!. Want to marry but not until I have a reasonable bank balance. I met a few decent potentials, but when it came to crunch time, they weren’t confident to move forward because of their financial situations. It’s an unfortunate situation for many. Just wanted to stress, you’re not alone, the boat is very very big. We’re in an era where people are materialistic and so I guess it doesn’t help. Allah Hu Alim.

  8. Hamza

    salam alaykom Brother and sister
    i Hopefuly To fine my Half soul Here
    im not Looking for The beauty Cause the Beauty is only The Heart . And i would To share my Life With some Who are Honest to Make a good Family

  9. Hassan

    You are right Amin, thats what others have told me as well. Im holding on as much as I can. But the job market isnt really helping either. No matter how many degrees one has, the scarcity of jobs is whats killing me right now. There is a potential sister, but I dont want to give her any signs that I am ready to move forward because I am not. But I know that she wont last for long, she will get married soon.. 🙁

  10. Amin

    Providing for your spouse is a huge obligation that the husband is responsible for. Obviously it is difficult to wait until that is achieved in your life. However in the long-term being financially secure from the start of the marriage inshAllah will minimize potential problems from developing in the future.

  11. Hassan

    I would love to share my life with my other half, but I need to be secure financially. At the same time I really dont want to wait any longer. Any advice?

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