Author - Bloggin Muslim

Looking for a spouse? Remember to pray Istikhara

 

 

As Muslims, we have been blessed with an endless list of duas. There is a dua for traveling, a dua for when it rains, even a dua for when you enter the bathroom. However, one of my personal favorites is the istikhara dua.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) encouraged us to pray Salatul Istikhara when we are concerned about something, in order to ask for Allah’s guidance to help us see if the situation is good or bad for us. We pray two rakats, and read the istikhara dua, where we name the particular issue and ask Allah that if the situation is good for us in this life, and more importantly, the afterlife, to bring us closer to it. And should the situation be bad for us, we ask Allah to take it away from us and out of hearts, and to bless us with whatever is good for us.

And yet, so many Muslims fail to use this prayer when it comes to finding a spouse. People rely on looks, wealth, kindness, or their family’s opinion, and forget that the best of all guiders is Allah. Even if a Muslim matchmaking website says you’re 99.8% right for each other, Allah knows what we do not.

From the beginning of your search, put your feelings aside, and ask Allah for His guidance. Ask Allah whether this person is right for you and seek His help alone. It may take time, but you’ll know whether or not this a good match through His direction. Encourage brothers and sisters that you know that are looking for a spouse to carry out this prayer. You can perform istikhara up to seven times, and if a woman is unable to pray the two rakats, they can simply read the dua.

Whenever we make make dua, we should remember to ask Allah to make the things that are good for us in our religion easy and accessible for us, and that He makes whatever is bad for us in our religion very difficult, so that it is almost impossible to proceed with the bad, but the good becomes easier in the process.

We must always be sincere and genuine when making dua, and not ask with the hopes that the answer is yes, this is the one for you. Because if the person in question is not the one, no matter how we feel, Allah has a better plan, and will guide you to someone that is right for you.

Allah knows best.

Women = thinkers, Men = doers

 

Let’s look at a scenario of a married couple, first from a wife’s point of view, then from a husband’s.

A wife has $5 and needs to buy some eggs. She asks if her husband wants anything from the store. He says no. She goes, and while in the store, she sees his favorite chocolate bar and buys it for him.

Now the husband is going to buy the eggs. He asks his wife if she needs anything, and she says no. He goes to the store, buy the eggs, and comes home.

Does this mean he loves her less? No! So what’s my point?

Not that the woman is thoughtful and the man is inconsiderate (calm down men-bashers), but that men are not psychic. They need direction, or even better, instruction. Sisters make the mistake of saying “do whatever you want.” This makes men think they can actually do whatever they want. That’s not the case. This actually means- “do what I want, but you have to be clever enough to guess what this is.” Uh oh.

Women say they know all of this already, but repeatedly have the same expectation. They can admit they have probably said “why didn’t he just know?” in the past. Because he doesn’t. And he never will.

Women are thoughtful. They’re the caregivers. This is one of the many reasons that in Islam, heaven lies at the feet of the mother. Men are doers. If you say there’s nothing you need, a man believes there’s nothing you need. But say “I wouldn’t mind a chocolate bar” and he will buy it because he wants to please you.

Neither gender is better, we just need to learn to communicate in each other’s language. Allah created us differently, and He put “love and mercy” between us (Al Rum verse 21). We need to remember this.

What are your thoughts?

Crazies on the Net!

 

So, you’ve put your profile up on a Muslim marriage website, and you wait in anticipation for a response while you browse other profiles. Suddenly, a message pops up.

“Salaamo alaikum, I like your profile. Let’s talk.”

Great! Allahu akbar! That’s what you’re here for right? Until the next email is- “I know you’re the one. Let’s get married.”

Wait- what? Um, that was a bit fast. We haven’t even discussed anything yet.

“I know, but I’ve read your profile and this is it. We will work.”

Does this really happen? Sadly, it does. I’ve heard of both brothers and sisters being emailed by someone of the opposite gender who has stated “I love you” or “Marry me” in the first email. One brother was approached by sister who stated that she just had to marry him, and not to worry about the wedding, she would pay for everything. In her second email.

People, let’s be clear- you can smell desperation. Even through the internet.

And then there’s the opposite. You’re getting to know someone and it looks like there is progress when they state “I don’t think I want to get married for another five years.”

Excuse me for stating the obvious but- why are you on a Muslim marriage website?! If you want to “date” for five years, then you’re in the wrong religion.

So, what’s my advice if you ever get one of the “marry me now” emails? Ignore the person and hopefully they’ll get the hint. And if they email you again, block them. This is not someone who is looking for a marriage¬†partner. This is someone looking for a fast marriage. Or a visa. There’s a big difference between looking for the right person, and looking for any person.

If the person does not want to get married for another few years, then they are not serious and they are wasting both their time and yours. Politely end the emailing and move forward.

Above all, always do your istikharas, trust Allah’s guidance, and when you know something is wrong, step away.

Remember- Allah’s always watching!