It’s that time again. We are running our first HOD Offline Singles Event of 2012 in San Diego on 14th July Inshallah.  In our first event, 48 people got a seat and we had 10 people matching up! At our next event, 70+ people got a seat and 18 people matched up and 1 couple got married. At our third event 42 people got a seat and we had 17 people matching up.

Half Our Deen Offline is different than your typical Muslim Matchmaking events, and the results speak for themselves. Of course, we cannot guarantee success, but we are waorking hard to make the event different and fun with the hope that there will be success in it InshAllah. 

“Stories like this inspire me to continue making Half Our Deen better”, Baba Ali, Half Our Deen. 

Author: Nawal Shahril

Source: http://www.nawal.my/2012/04/how-i-met-your-father.html

How I met your father

To my future children. By the time you are able to read this post, I am probably in my late 30′s and still look gorgeous as ever.

This post is about a man who rocked Ummi’s world. A man whom I respect and hold on to. An amazing man who came to my life by surprise. Responsible and love his children more than his life. He loves us unconditionally. He is most proud of us although he doesn’t show it. He is our provider and our cheerleader. He is…

…your daddy.

I have met so many wonderful people. Travelled all around the world. Worked in a different country. Enjoyed every moment. I was living life. Amidst all these, I knew that there is still a missing piece in my life that I wasn’t sure what was it. I turned to Allah and did my Umrah, Alhamdulillah. It was in front of the majestic Ka’aba that I prayed and wished that Allah would lead a wonderful man to me to complete that emptiness and fulfill my deen.

How can I find myself a husband?
I turned to the world wide web for answers. Muslim matrimonial websites were my indicators. I remembered to have registered for 3 different sites. I must say I met very interesting brothers Masyaallah. Some didn’t work out. Some…almost. Some…just pain in the butt. Different individuals have different needs and expectations. Too much of expectations in fact.
But..no matter how devastated one situation after another can be, I didn’t give up. I know I have to find someone and have faith for Allah will help me.
One day when I surfed YouTube, I stumbled upon a video by Baba Ali and his matrimonial website called Half Our Deen. Knowing Baba Ali and his cool ways of giving da’wah, I thought why not give it a go. What I’ve noticed was I can’t view any of the brothers’s pictures unless I pay for the registration. Unlike other websites I’ve been to, some are free and some allowed you to view pictures prior signing up. I took out my debit card and I remembered saying ‘I’m doing this because of Allah’ and BAAM! I was registered.

Again… the process continues. In and out and after few attempts, I decided to shut down my account and just give husband hunting a rest. After a month, I checked HalfOurDeen again and I was surprised that my account was put on sleep rather than being deleted for good. Since my account was paid for 1 year service, I mustered all my strength and give it one more go.

Probably 5 minutes after, I received a message from a man that I wasn’t interested in replying at all. He messaged me before this when I had my account active. I was like ‘ Maan!, this man is damn persistent ‘ and decided to give him a chance. His name is Valentino Chavez (Vito) and the rest is history.
We talked for 7 months and I flew to the USA to meet this man of my dream. I had no idea what to expect. Whether he might be a serial killer or sex psychopath but I was sure I did the right thing. He told me, even though I would be ugly in person..he would still marry me. pffttt! (see how annoying daddy is???) I have prayed Istikharah and alhamdulillah I was sure about this man. With my parents and family’s blessing I was married by Imaam Karim Abu Zaid at Masjid Abu Bakr, Denver Colorado on March 7th, 2012.

Wow. I’m a wife??? Until now, I still couldn’t believe that I am finally… married! wooohoo!!

Married life is a new dimension. The other phase in life that you’d be tested vigorously by Allah s.w.t. Whether good or bad, just enjoy and endure it. No matter how hard the day could be..in the end you know your soulmate is waiting, arms open for you.

I am grateful that I married a super hunk awesome muslim man. A man who accepted me thoroughly. A man who introduces me to a whole new world and a new family.

I couldn’t have asked for more…except for an iMac and a craft studio

Children, now you know how I met your father. In life, you have to believe in your decision and go get ‘em. Be persistent and be ready to overcome any obstacles. Don’t you ever ever give up because the moment you feel that there’s no hope, all door closes and you might not get what you wanted. Have faith in Allah and Insyallah..Allah will show you the path.

and to my husband..I love you Sweetheart. May we be the best of Muslims and be a great role model for our children.

..and to Allah.. Thank you so much! You’re the best!

We came across this the other day and as this is growing need for our single and married couples, we thought we should share this. As Aman Killawi rightfully said, going through pre-marital counselling can avoid heartache and boiling issues that will arise after marriage. It is very important to understand the benefits of counselling and how it can help those about to get and already married.

Date Published: FEBRUARY 6, 2012 5:00 AM

Author: Amal Killawi

I spent my time at a recent wedding listening to people’s marriage problems. As the guests danced the night away in celebration, I sat in the back of the hall talking about shattered dreams and unfulfilled expectations. Sometimes, we had to scream to hear each other over the music. There was the young woman whose husband wouldn’t let her finish her education. Then, a friend wanted advice about dealing with her in-laws. And a mother cried as she shared her worries about welcoming her daughter home as a divorcee.

What a night! The reception ended with the passing of favors and du`a’ (supplication) for the newlyweds. I remember making extra du`a’ for the bride and groom.  Dear God, please bless them with a lasting and healthy union. Ameen. I left the wedding in deep thought and had trouble falling asleep that night. I was so moved by the irony of that experience.

In just the past few months, a significant number of marriages in my community have ended in divorce.  I know many more couples are on the verge of separation. Don’t get me wrong. I personally believe that divorce can be a healthier, and sometimes necessary, option.  But why are so many marriages ending so soon? What needs to change to foster a culture of commitment and responsibility?

All the stories shared with me that night had a common theme: None of the couples had premarital counseling before they got married.  No one had prepared them for the challenges of marriage, and many of their problems stemmed from issues that were not discussed before the wedding. A recent study¹ about divorce in the Muslim community found that none of the divorced men and women in the study had formal premarital counseling, other than a brief meeting with an imam. Many of them wished they had been offered more extensive premarital counseling, and that they had easier access to counseling services once they were married and experiencing problems. It’s a sad testimony to the lack of marriage preparation in our communities.

When a couple announces their engagement, we rush to celebrate. Have we stopped to consider how much preparation and support the new couple will need for this decision of a lifetime? How many couples truly know what they’re getting into when they’re smiling for pictures on their wedding day? The love and excitement of the new relationship often blinds them from comprehending the reality that marriage is a sacred covenant with God. Wouldn’t it make sense to prepare for this spiritual partnership?

How is it that we invest so much time, money, and energy preparing for the wedding celebration and not for the marriage? We consider the smallest details for that special evening; yet we ignore the essential reason for our celebration—a commitment to spend a lifetime with another human being.  As one woman said to me, “I had two months to plan for the wedding. I was in love, and didn’t have time to think about any issue!”

Many couples mistakenly believe that they don’t need counseling before marriage and that conflict should be avoided. However, a certain level of conflict is healthy and necessary, and premarital counseling can offer an opportunity to discuss potential problematic issues.

Consider premarital counseling before you make a commitment for marriage.  According to Lisa Kift² , a marriage and family therapist, premarital counseling will help you:

1. Discuss role expectations. It’s important to talk about the responsibilities of each partner in marriage – who will take care of the finances, chores, etc? Discussing roles early on will clarify expectations for the future.
2. Explore your spiritual and religious beliefs. What are your views on music, hijab, zabiha meat, and following a certainmadhab (school of thought)? Discussing these issues ahead of time will help determine your compatibility and help you learn to manage different opinions.
3. Identify any family of origin issues. Much of what we learn about relationships comes from our parents and other family members. Identifying our early influences and discussing our learned behaviors will help us understand how this might play out in marriage.
4. Learn communication and conflict resolution skills. Couples that communicate effectively can resolve conflicts more effectively. This will allow you to spend less time arguing and more time understanding.
5. Develop personal, couple, and family goals. You are committing to share a life with someone. Isn’t it important to discuss what you want your future to look like together? Where do you want to be in three years? How many children do you want to have? Outlining a plan for life can be a wonderful way to learn about each other and to strengthen your commitment to each other.

Premarital counseling can protect couples from much heartache and conflict. Since prevention is central to our deen, many imams and community leaders now require premarital counseling and education prior to the marriage ceremony—a guaranteed investment in happier couples and healthier marriages.

What’s your take?

• Do you think that premarital counseling would be helpful to prospective spouses?
• What issues should be covered/ discussed in premarital counseling?
• How can couples be encouraged to attend premarital counseling?

Share your thoughts below.

Source: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/spouse/want-your-marriage-to-last-get-premarital-counseling/

While the other matchmaking sites charge anywhere from $29 to $44 a month, one might think that a Muslim marriage site charging a fraction of the competition would have price as the primary reason that people are drawn to it.

That is exactly what we thought, but we were pleasantly surprised that most of our members have chosen to be on Half Our Deen exclusively over other Muslim matchmaking sites because Half Our Deen is number 1 when it comes to privacy. We take privacy seriously. Unlike most matchmaking sites where anyone with a curious mind can browse through your pictures, Half Our Deen is setup uniquely so that only paid members can view profiles.

Because if there is one thing we have learned in the pursuit of helping people get married, it’s that not everyone wants their picture and profile to come up when the words “single Muslim” are typed in Google.

Our site is so private that you can’t search for anyone of the same gender. Why does this matter? Sometimes a sister or brother is on the site looking for marriage, but does not want to tell their friends. We at Half Our Deen understand this. Sisters can’t view sisters, and brothers can’t view brothers. So, unlike other Muslim matchmaking sites, there would never be a chance of one of your friends saying “Oh, I saw your profile on Half Our Deen, how’s the search going?”

Not only is the level of privacy of utmost importance to us, but we also want the focus to be on marriage and not which of your friends is on the site, what their profile is like and what photos they’ve uploaded.

So join www.halfourdeen.com today, where the word “privacy” actually means something.

Have you ever felt like Muslim matchmaking sites not only charge too much for membership, but are also trying to sell you things while you search? “Cheap international calls!” “Social Muslim networking!” You’ll notice these banner ads, text ads, and if they hold your email address, you may be on a spam emailing list so even more ads are delivered to you personally. Isn’t it all a bit too much when you are trying to focus on finding a spouse?

In 2011, Half Our Deen had over 7 million page views, but yet, there was not one ad. That’s right, absolutely no banner ads, text ads, or any sort of ad whatsoever. Our monthly members paid only $9 a month and our annual members paid the lowest price for any Muslim Marriage site on the internet, at just $5 a month.

Even by charging a fraction of the competition, Half Our Deen pays monthly for four fast servers, so the site runs fast and smoothly, and even pays its entire staff because their effort is valued. So if you’re paying more than $9/month for Muslim Matchmaking, then you are most likely being overcharged.

Some companies have a goal of profit. Our goal at Half Our Deen is to bring single Muslim brothers and sisters together for the sole purpose of marriage. Alhamdulillah, 243 people from across the world have found their spouse through www.halfourdeen.com. Come and join us, and inshaAllah you too will find the one.

You won’t see an ad. We promise.

Alhamdulillahir rabbil alameen, all praise is due to Allah.

In 2011, 243 Half Our Deen members told us they found their other half through the website mashaAllah! The actual number may be higher, as not everyone contacts us to tell us they found the one.

Baba Ali recalls,

“I remember one time I was standing in line at a Middle Eastern Festival and this guy walked up to me and said “Assalammu Alaikum Baba Ali, you don’t know me but I just wanted to tell you that my wife and I met on your site. Please don’t tell anyone”. His wife walked over and he signaled to her that “I told him” and then they walked away. At first, I found the whole 007 secret agent atmosphere strange, but then when I thought about it, I kind of understood. He wanted to get married but just like most of us out there, he didn’t want his picture all over the internet notifying the world that he is looking to get married and that’s why he chose Half Our Deen. Alhamdulillah.”

That is one of the best parts of choosing Half Our Deen- it is a completely private website, only accessible to paid members. So even if you find your husband or wife, you don’t have to tell us or anyone else how you did.

In February 2011, we had 24 people that found their other half. One year later, those numbers have flown up to over 200 people.

How did this happen? In many ways. With the blessing of Allah, first and foremost. Having members who are genuinely looking for marriage, mixed together with a private, and well developed space for them to contact one another, helps bring about successful outcomes. Time, money and effort has been spent creating a website that focuses on important marriage issues, and not just the eye color/hair color/height of people. Because we all know that these things do not create a long term and successful marriage.

So if you, or anyone you know, is looking for marriage, encourage them to join www.halfourdeen.com and who knows? Perhaps you could be the 244th couple to get married, inshaAllah.

Allah knows best!

This is just a short reminder to my dear brothers and sisters to keep in mind that when you’re contacting someone for the sake of marriage through Half Our Deen, any other marriage website, or even through someone you know, to keep your emails and correspondence halal. Keep it strictly to do with the issue of marriage.

Ask the questions that matter. There is no need for “Oh, you have such pretty eyes” or “I like your smile.” Or any emotions such as “I love you.” Or for you to meet up alone where even worse things can occur.

Allah is always watching. Allah knows everything you do. Even when you’re completely alone at your computer answering your emails, He is there. So stick with your intention of marriage, and keep your emails to the point. Society tells us that two people need to meet, fall in love, and get married. The beauty of Islam is that two people can meet, get married and then learn every detail about each other and fall in love together in an environment where you earn reward for your love and kindness towards your spouse. What more could we ask for?

So please, check your emails and make sure shaitaan does not get his way. Be like the Prophet Yusuf who resisted temptation and said “Truly to no good come those that do wrong” (Holy Quran, Chapter 12, verse 23). And if you have been involved in such conversations, it’s never too late to stop. Ask for forgiveness, turn back to Allah and change your actions.

Allah loves those who turn to Him.

If you find yourself not receiving quite as many responses as you’d hoped to your profile on Half Our Deen or any other matchmaking website, the problem may be that your profile is not detailed enough. When people are seriously looking for marriage, they want to know as much as they can about you and the type of person you are looking for. Connections happen when people are open and honest, and although it may be difficult to put such important issues into words, it is necessary that you try. Here are a few points that you may want to consider:

1) Have you uploaded a photo(s) of yourself? This is the first thing a potential spouse sees, so be sure to include one.

2) Have you written a detailed description of yourself in the “About Me’ section? One or two lines is not enough for someone to decide if you’re suitable for them. Try writing a full paragraph or two. You may want to consider including:

* What part of the world you grew up in

* The particular sect/madhab you follow

* What kind of Muslim you see yourself as

* What the most important part of being Muslim is to you

* The kind of activities/hobbies you enjoy and why you enjoy them

* Why you want to get married

* Whether or not you are willing to relocate for a spouse

* If you have any children, what their ages are

* If you speak any other languages, what they are

3) Have you completed the “Who I’m looking for” section? This again needs to be detailed and well-thought out. You may want to consider including:

* Whether you are looking for a spouse who follows a particular sect/madhab

* The qualities are you looking for in a spouse- kindness is obviously a trait everyone is looking for, but do you want someone shy or outspoken?

* The activities you would like to do with your spouse such as skiing, mountain trekking, etc.

* If you hope your spouse will be willing to live with your parents

* Brothers- if you are looking for a wife in hijab, please state this.

4) On Half Our Deen there is a section titled “Questions that matter to Her/Him” where you get the chance to show any potential marriage partner what issues are important to you. For example, you could ask:

* When you are angry, how do you communicate?

* How often do you wake up for fajr?

* What is the most difficult part of Islam for you, and why?

* What is your biggest fear about marriage?

* Do you have friends from the opposite sex?

5) Have you completed all 4 compatibility tests?
Completing all tests will ensure you get matched with more people and also increase your compatibility with other members.

Take a good look at your profile page and consider whether or not it is lacking some vital information. If so, be sure to make it more detailed and interesting to anyone that may come across it. Most importantly, be patient and make dua for the right person to contact you.

May Allah be with you on your exciting journey!

We live in a dunya where “bigger is better” and “bling” is a word in our vocab. People will go through financial difficulties to show people they don’t really care about that they have money/status/a place in society. Currently, the average wedding in the U.S costs approximately $27,000.

Did your jaw drop? Mine certainly did.

And somehow, Muslim weddings have managed to be taken over by this falseness. Somehow, our brothers and sisters are throwing bigger and more expensive parties for the sake of a union that is already abundantly beautiful and blessed no matter how big the event hall is.

Here we are, an Ummah that is blessed with a glorious deen, a deen that is not interested in money or wealth, but on character and akhlaq. To our Lord who tells us “The material things which you are given are but the conveniences of this life and the glitter thereof; But that which is with God is better and more enduring: Will you not then be wise?” (The Holy Quran, Chapter 28, verse 60)

There is too much pressure on our brothers and sisters for a lavish wedding. Have you been through this? It could be your spouse who wants a big, fancy party, or your parents who are determined to throw the best event(s) money can buy. Or even yourself. Perhaps you are imagining a lavish wedding that has your guests gazing in amazement?

There are people who are set to get married, but want to save up thousands of dollars to have an unnecessary and over-the-top event. Money is thrown around at every angle, from the centerpieces to the cake, and some Muslim weddings have even been seen to have men and women mixing and dancing together because “it’s a special day.”

This day, like everyday, is being watched by Allah. He sees and hears everything we do. Is this how we want to start our lives as husband and wife? With money and material objects being at the forefront of our minds?

The Prophet (saw) was a humble man. He encouraged us to be humble and give in charity. How about having a small gathering at home, with the people that truly care about you? Or a simple masjid gathering? Why not take this money and do something beneficial, like plan a trip to Mecca, or donate it to the many starving children across the world? Start your life without debt.

If we took all the thought, and planning and time that is taken to plan such a huge event, and put it into bettering ourselves as Muslims, and putting the effort into preparing ourselves for marriage, surely this would be more rewarding? The wedding at the most will be a few hours. Your marriage will last a lifetime InshAllah!

So please, ask yourself this: Does having a lavish wedding make a difference to the life my spouse and I will have?

Communication is one of the most important constituents in our life. Everyday we use some form of communication.  We know how to read, write and speak. In fact we do it very well. What about listening? Listening in a way that you understand the other person from his or her own viewpoint and feelings, not from yours. Before offering advice to anyone, like your spouse, and expecting them to accept it, you must really make the effort to first understand what they are trying to say. Not just the words that are coming out their mouth but the feelings attached to them as well. You have to listen with an open mind and no prejudice.  We usually listen so we can reply, we are either always speaking or preparing to speak and just can’t wait to tell them our take on their situation. We do all this before even understanding them.

Here are four things we typically do when others speak to us. We ignore them, not really listening. We pretend to listen and nod our head “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right Right.” We listen selectively and hear only bits and pieces. We listen attentively and really pay attention to the words. But not many of us listen with empathy. Listening closely to really understand the emotions and feelings behind these words. Your spouse won’t be talking to you if they didn’t feel the need to. You hold that special place in their lives; keep that respect by just listening.

Statistics say only about 10% of our communication is through words, 30% is by sound and 60% is body language. Listening with empathy means to not only use your ears, but your eyes and your heart. We are so quick to add how we feel and tell our side of the story; “OMG! Yeah I know EXACTLY how you feel. Same here, I also…” It’s not about you. They are talking to you to be expressive, to connect, to inform you because they feel you are worth their time. If it were about you, then you would be the one speaking and hoping your spouse would listen.

The greatest need for a human is to be understood, affirmed and appreciated. If we take this away then everything else is just superficial. Quite often we try to figure the other person out, we interpret and assume based on our own experiences, motives and behavior. Everyone is unique regardless of how many similar qualities you may share as a couple. Humans are so scripted that sometimes we already know the answer before the question has been heard.

The most honest and well-rounded person to walk this earth was the Prophet (SWAS). He(SWAS) wasn’t just our Messenger, but also a counselor, a wise judge, a devoted father and a righteous husband. Not only did he fulfill all his responsibilities but also excelled at each one. He treated everyone in his Ummah in a way that was compatible with that person’s character and personality. As much as he preached the message, he also listened to his companions and gave importance to their viewpoints and feelings. This only increased the respect given to him by his companions and others alike.

You choose your spouse as much as they choose you. Try for once to just listen to them and control the urge to interrupt with your personal experiences. Concur what they are saying by using words of affirmation and empathy. If you have listened well, they themselves will ask you for your advice or point of view. Just be patient, you will have your chance. A person is more receptive to advice if they are given the chance to be heard completely and understood wholeheartedly.

Understand before being understood. It’s only fair!