Tag - Allah

Behind the Scenes at Half Our Deen

Here at Half Our Deen it is our goal to help the greatest number of couples find their other half. In order to do that we have a dedicated team who is constantly working to make Half Our Deen more efficient. One of the projects they we have been working on is a totally revamped and upgraded site! We are super excited about this development and hope it makes your experience on Half Our Deen even more pleasing.

The new Half Our Deen will be, not only, more appealing to look at but also includes new features and is easier to navigate. One of the upgrades that we take great pride in is added security features. Knowing that their data is private and secure is one of the biggest draws for our users. Keeping that in mind not only do we aim to maintain that security level but to increase it when possible.

As you know making money is not the main goal of Half Our Deen. Instead, the funds we have are invested back into the website to enrich your experience. While other websites might use the same template for years we believe in constantly changing for the better. Knowing that, by the grace of Allah, more than 315 couples have found their other halves on our site in just 23 months not only motivates us but also challenges us to raise the bar.

The current average time to find a match on Half Our Deen is five to eleven months. With some of our users finding there matches in as little as three! InshaAllah, we hope that by continuing to upgrade and evolve the popularity of Half Our Deen will increase and we can help even more of the Ummah find their match.

After all, age really is but a number

My family and I recently relocated across the country. In the months leading up to the big move I spent hours and hours planning. But what I spent the most time doing for those 5 months was house hunting. I picked the neighborhood I wanted and then proceeded to try and find a house with ALL our specifications in that neighborhood. Two months passed and I still couldn’t find one that fit our criteria. But I was stubborn and determined to have everything I wanted in the location I wanted. Needless to say I failed. With less than a month left till moving day I finally relented and searched in other neighborhoods and Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) blessed us with an amazing house in an amazing location.

So you’re probably wondering why I’m boring you with my moving diaries? Because as humans we create a precise picture of what we want (in a house, in a spouse, in our kids) and set out to full fill that picture. What we fail to realize is that real life and our imaginations don’t always line up. And just because we can’t find what we think we’re looking for doesn’t mean that what we really need isn’t out there.

One of the points that brothers and sisters looking to get married often get hung up on is the age of their potential spouse. Brothers usually want someone a few years younger than themselves and sisters want someone who is older than themselves. This idea of the perfect age gap in marriage is one of the first requirements that goes down on our spouse list and is often one that we have a hard time letting go of.

In reality though, having a “proper” age gap does not necessarily lead to a successful marriage or to a compatibility. In fact, if we were to look back at the most significant marriage of all times, that of the Prophet Muhammad (saws) to Khadija (ra), you will note that they had the most nontraditional of all age gaps. Yet, you will never find a more loving, compatible, supportive, and nourishing coupling than theirs despite the odd age paring.

Age is much like the neighborhood in my moving example. By holding onto that ideal and not looking or considering anyone outside of it you are limiting yourself from finding someone that fits you. Brothers, just because a sister is a bit older than your ideal match doesn’t mean she will be any less beautiful or righteous. And sisters, just because a brother is a bit younger than your ideal match doesn’t mean he will be any less mature, caring, and responsible. So let’s step out of our “neighborhoods” and see what Allah (swt) has for waiting for us!

Another Inspirational Half Our Deen Success Story

MashAllah a very inspirational story of a sister on Half Our Deen who found her other half a year after joining the site. Please be patient, and make dua. We have to put in the effort and leave the rest up to ALLAH!

“up00lam, I have a success story to share too. However I would rather use initials i.e. I would like my husband & my name to not be published. I was a member of HOD from Feb 2011. Exchanged a few messages in the site with a couple of brothers but none was the type of Muslim husband material I was looking for. In June 2011 I did Umra and asked Allah to grant me a rightful Muslim man for a husband. Months passed and Ramadan came in August. Still, there was no progress in my HOD account. And then… 2 weeks after Ramadan, I got a “Found You Interesting” click from a brother from America. I looked through his profile and I found him quite interesting too so I decided to answer his questions that he had included in his profile. Not to long after, he replied to thank me for answering his questions and that he would like to know me for marriage whether we are suitable. However, he told me that this would have to wait till after Eid as he was in Makkah for Umra. So weeks passed and on the 2nd day of Eid I replied to his message. Soon we found ourselves to be suitable and wirhin that week we prayed our istikharas. In early October 2011 he came to my country, Singapore, to meet my family and me. 6 days after we met, we had our nikah done in Singapore, alhamdulillahi Rabb al alameen!

with my parents blessings, of course. We’ve been married for almost 7 months now and subhanaAllah life has been very interesting as we didnt date before marriage, alhamdulillah, and get to know each other only during our marriage now. May Allah put barakah, love and mercy to all married couples. I can never thank Baba Ali enough for his iniative in setting up such a wonderful matrimonial website like HOD. Jazakum Allah kheir jaza’

Know each other only after marriage. I can never thankBaba Ali enough for hisiniative on setting up HOD. Jazakum Allah kheir jaza’

We have been getting so many success stories, we have built a page for it. Look for our new success stories page coming soon, InshAllah.

 

Another Match Made on Half Our Deen! 314 and counting….

“Stories like this inspire me to continue making Half Our Deen better”, Baba Ali, Half Our Deen. 

Author: Nawal Shahril

Source: http://www.nawal.my/2012/04/how-i-met-your-father.html

How I met your father

To my future children. By the time you are able to read this post, I am probably in my late 30’s and still look gorgeous as ever.

This post is about a man who rocked Ummi’s world. A man whom I respect and hold on to. An amazing man who came to my life by surprise. Responsible and love his children more than his life. He loves us unconditionally. He is most proud of us although he doesn’t show it. He is our provider and our cheerleader. He is…

…your daddy.

I have met so many wonderful people. Travelled all around the world. Worked in a different country. Enjoyed every moment. I was living life. Amidst all these, I knew that there is still a missing piece in my life that I wasn’t sure what was it. I turned to Allah and did my Umrah, Alhamdulillah. It was in front of the majestic Ka’aba that I prayed and wished that Allah would lead a wonderful man to me to complete that emptiness and fulfill my deen.

How can I find myself a husband?
I turned to the world wide web for answers. Muslim matrimonial websites were my indicators. I remembered to have registered for 3 different sites. I must say I met very interesting brothers Masyaallah. Some didn’t work out. Some…almost. Some…just pain in the butt. Different individuals have different needs and expectations. Too much of expectations in fact.
But..no matter how devastated one situation after another can be, I didn’t give up. I know I have to find someone and have faith for Allah will help me.
One day when I surfed YouTube, I stumbled upon a video by Baba Ali and his matrimonial website called Half Our Deen. Knowing Baba Ali and his cool ways of giving da’wah, I thought why not give it a go. What I’ve noticed was I can’t view any of the brothers’s pictures unless I pay for the registration. Unlike other websites I’ve been to, some are free and some allowed you to view pictures prior signing up. I took out my debit card and I remembered saying ‘I’m doing this because of Allah’ and BAAM! I was registered.

Again… the process continues. In and out and after few attempts, I decided to shut down my account and just give husband hunting a rest. After a month, I checked HalfOurDeen again and I was surprised that my account was put on sleep rather than being deleted for good. Since my account was paid for 1 year service, I mustered all my strength and give it one more go.

Probably 5 minutes after, I received a message from a man that I wasn’t interested in replying at all. He messaged me before this when I had my account active. I was like ‘ Maan!, this man is damn persistent ‘ and decided to give him a chance. His name is Valentino Chavez (Vito) and the rest is history.
We talked for 7 months and I flew to the USA to meet this man of my dream. I had no idea what to expect. Whether he might be a serial killer or sex psychopath but I was sure I did the right thing. He told me, even though I would be ugly in person..he would still marry me. pffttt! (see how annoying daddy is???) I have prayed Istikharah and alhamdulillah I was sure about this man. With my parents and family’s blessing I was married by Imaam Karim Abu Zaid at Masjid Abu Bakr, Denver Colorado on March 7th, 2012.

Wow. I’m a wife??? Until now, I still couldn’t believe that I am finally… married! wooohoo!!

Married life is a new dimension. The other phase in life that you’d be tested vigorously by Allah s.w.t. Whether good or bad, just enjoy and endure it. No matter how hard the day could be..in the end you know your soulmate is waiting, arms open for you.

I am grateful that I married a super hunk awesome muslim man. A man who accepted me thoroughly. A man who introduces me to a whole new world and a new family.

I couldn’t have asked for more…except for an iMac and a craft studio 😛

Children, now you know how I met your father. In life, you have to believe in your decision and go get ’em. Be persistent and be ready to overcome any obstacles. Don’t you ever ever give up because the moment you feel that there’s no hope, all door closes and you might not get what you wanted. Have faith in Allah and Insyallah..Allah will show you the path.

and to my husband..I love you Sweetheart. May we be the best of Muslims and be a great role model for our children.

..and to Allah.. Thank you so much! You’re the best!

Allah knows what you do… Even on the internet

This is just a short reminder to my dear brothers and sisters to keep in mind that when you’re contacting someone for the sake of marriage through Half Our Deen, any other marriage website, or even through someone you know, to keep your emails and correspondence halal. Keep it strictly to do with the issue of marriage.

Ask the questions that matter. There is no need for “Oh, you have such pretty eyes” or “I like your smile.” Or any emotions such as “I love you.” Or for you to meet up alone where even worse things can occur.

Allah is always watching. Allah knows everything you do. Even when you’re completely alone at your computer answering your emails, He is there. So stick with your intention of marriage, and keep your emails to the point. Society tells us that two people need to meet, fall in love, and get married. The beauty of Islam is that two people can meet, get married and then learn every detail about each other and fall in love together in an environment where you earn reward for your love and kindness towards your spouse. What more could we ask for?

So please, check your emails and make sure shaitaan does not get his way. Be like the Prophet Yusuf who resisted temptation and said “Truly to no good come those that do wrong” (Holy Quran, Chapter 12, verse 23). And if you have been involved in such conversations, it’s never too late to stop. Ask for forgiveness, turn back to Allah and change your actions.

Allah loves those who turn to Him.

Put Deen, Not Dunya, at the Forefront of Your Wedding

 

We live in a dunya where “bigger is better” and “bling” is a word in our vocab. People will go through financial difficulties to show people they don’t really care about that they have money/status/a place in society. Currently, the average wedding in the U.S costs approximately $27,000.

Did your jaw drop? Mine certainly did.

And somehow, Muslim weddings have managed to be taken over by this falseness. Somehow, our brothers and sisters are throwing bigger and more expensive parties for the sake of a union that is already abundantly beautiful and blessed no matter how big the event hall is.

Here we are, an Ummah that is blessed with a glorious deen, a deen that is not interested in money or wealth, but on character and akhlaq. To our Lord who tells us “The material things which you are given are but the conveniences of this life and the glitter thereof; But that which is with God is better and more enduring: Will you not then be wise?” (The Holy Quran, Chapter 28, verse 60)

There is too much pressure on our brothers and sisters for a lavish wedding. Have you been through this? It could be your spouse who wants a big, fancy party, or your parents who are determined to throw the best event(s) money can buy. Or even yourself. Perhaps you are imagining a lavish wedding that has your guests gazing in amazement?

There are people who are set to get married, but want to save up thousands of dollars to have an unnecessary and over-the-top event. Money is thrown around at every angle, from the centerpieces to the cake, and some Muslim weddings have even been seen to have men and women mixing and dancing together because “it’s a special day.”

This day, like everyday, is being watched by Allah. He sees and hears everything we do. Is this how we want to start our lives as husband and wife? With money and material objects being at the forefront of our minds?

The Prophet (saw) was a humble man. He encouraged us to be humble and give in charity. How about having a small gathering at home, with the people that truly care about you? Or a simple masjid gathering? Why not take this money and do something beneficial, like plan a trip to Mecca, or donate it to the many starving children across the world? Start your life without debt.

If we took all the thought, and planning and time that is taken to plan such a huge event, and put it into bettering ourselves as Muslims, and putting the effort into preparing ourselves for marriage, surely this would be more rewarding? The wedding at the most will be a few hours. Your marriage will last a lifetime InshAllah!

So please, ask yourself this: Does having a lavish wedding make a difference to the life my spouse and I will have?

Two Cultures Under One Roof

 

It is no secret that the older generations were often strict with their requests on who their children should marry – these often included someone within the same culture/background/town/cast. Sadly, some families still do this, when of course, the focus should be on deen. However, more and more these days, we see people becoming open to the idea of their children marrying outside their own ethnicity.

This is how our Ummah should be, as Allah tells us in the Quran “O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other” (Holy Quran, Chapter 49 verse 13)

A couple may have both grown up in the same country, but their families can be from different parts of the world, and hence their upbringing may be very different. When a  couple is newly married and trying to deal with the (many) compromises that come along with a marriage, a difference in culture is yet another compromise or understanding that must be approached with care. So here are some tips we’ve put together to help with the transition:

* Having respect for each other’s culture is key, as neither is better than the other. The Prophet (saw) said “All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action.” We must remember this at all times, especially with our in-laws. If they do things differently to what you are used to, this is no reason to disrespect them.

* If your spouse speaks another language, why not both go the extra mile and take classes trying to learn their native tongue? Or, just ask them how to say certain words that you use everyday? Especially terms of endearment for your spouse, like “my love” and “sweetheart”. This will be very much appreciated by your spouse, your inlaws, and being an individual who is bilingual is always a bonus.

* Be the mediator between your parents and your spouse. If you notice that your spouse is being left out of conversations/practices then kindly yet subtly respond to your parents in a language or way that your spouse and your parents understand.

* Don’t take things to heart. It is expected that there will be certain cultural gaps that maybe difficult for us to understand. Take everything with a grain of salt and give your new family the benefit of the doubt. Talk to your spouse about this and prepare for it ahead of time.

* Remember that your spouse is not going to cook the same meals as your mom. Have an open mind and an open palette and appreciate them for their efforts on cooking.

* If possible, take a trip to your spouse’s native country. What a great way to learn and understand more about your spouse and in-laws than to see where they grew up first hand.

* Encourage your children to learn both languages. Some parents tend to dominate and request the child only speaks their language, or only teach the language of the country they live in. However, children are like sponges and can pick up much more than we give them credit for. A multilingual child is a blessing, so encourage them to learn each other’s mother tongue.

The most important tip of all, seek the guidance of Allah and continue making dua to him to bless your marriage and family relationships with understanding and patience.

Allah knows best.

Looking for a spouse? Remember to pray Istikhara

 

 

As Muslims, we have been blessed with an endless list of duas. There is a dua for traveling, a dua for when it rains, even a dua for when you enter the bathroom. However, one of my personal favorites is the istikhara dua.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) encouraged us to pray Salatul Istikhara when we are concerned about something, in order to ask for Allah’s guidance to help us see if the situation is good or bad for us. We pray two rakats, and read the istikhara dua, where we name the particular issue and ask Allah that if the situation is good for us in this life, and more importantly, the afterlife, to bring us closer to it. And should the situation be bad for us, we ask Allah to take it away from us and out of hearts, and to bless us with whatever is good for us.

And yet, so many Muslims fail to use this prayer when it comes to finding a spouse. People rely on looks, wealth, kindness, or their family’s opinion, and forget that the best of all guiders is Allah. Even if a Muslim matchmaking website says you’re 99.8% right for each other, Allah knows what we do not.

From the beginning of your search, put your feelings aside, and ask Allah for His guidance. Ask Allah whether this person is right for you and seek His help alone. It may take time, but you’ll know whether or not this a good match through His direction. Encourage brothers and sisters that you know that are looking for a spouse to carry out this prayer. You can perform istikhara up to seven times, and if a woman is unable to pray the two rakats, they can simply read the dua.

Whenever we make make dua, we should remember to ask Allah to make the things that are good for us in our religion easy and accessible for us, and that He makes whatever is bad for us in our religion very difficult, so that it is almost impossible to proceed with the bad, but the good becomes easier in the process.

We must always be sincere and genuine when making dua, and not ask with the hopes that the answer is yes, this is the one for you. Because if the person in question is not the one, no matter how we feel, Allah has a better plan, and will guide you to someone that is right for you.

Allah knows best.

Women = thinkers, Men = doers

 

Let’s look at a scenario of a married couple, first from a wife’s point of view, then from a husband’s.

A wife has $5 and needs to buy some eggs. She asks if her husband wants anything from the store. He says no. She goes, and while in the store, she sees his favorite chocolate bar and buys it for him.

Now the husband is going to buy the eggs. He asks his wife if she needs anything, and she says no. He goes to the store, buy the eggs, and comes home.

Does this mean he loves her less? No! So what’s my point?

Not that the woman is thoughtful and the man is inconsiderate (calm down men-bashers), but that men are not psychic. They need direction, or even better, instruction. Sisters make the mistake of saying “do whatever you want.” This makes men think they can actually do whatever they want. That’s not the case. This actually means- “do what I want, but you have to be clever enough to guess what this is.” Uh oh.

Women say they know all of this already, but repeatedly have the same expectation. They can admit they have probably said “why didn’t he just know?” in the past. Because he doesn’t. And he never will.

Women are thoughtful. They’re the caregivers. This is one of the many reasons that in Islam, heaven lies at the feet of the mother. Men are doers. If you say there’s nothing you need, a man believes there’s nothing you need. But say “I wouldn’t mind a chocolate bar” and he will buy it because he wants to please you.

Neither gender is better, we just need to learn to communicate in each other’s language. Allah created us differently, and He put “love and mercy” between us (Al Rum verse 21). We need to remember this.

What are your thoughts?

Crazies on the Net!

 

So, you’ve put your profile up on a Muslim marriage website, and you wait in anticipation for a response while you browse other profiles. Suddenly, a message pops up.

“Salaamo alaikum, I like your profile. Let’s talk.”

Great! Allahu akbar! That’s what you’re here for right? Until the next email is- “I know you’re the one. Let’s get married.”

Wait- what? Um, that was a bit fast. We haven’t even discussed anything yet.

“I know, but I’ve read your profile and this is it. We will work.”

Does this really happen? Sadly, it does. I’ve heard of both brothers and sisters being emailed by someone of the opposite gender who has stated “I love you” or “Marry me” in the first email. One brother was approached by sister who stated that she just had to marry him, and not to worry about the wedding, she would pay for everything. In her second email.

People, let’s be clear- you can smell desperation. Even through the internet.

And then there’s the opposite. You’re getting to know someone and it looks like there is progress when they state “I don’t think I want to get married for another five years.”

Excuse me for stating the obvious but- why are you on a Muslim marriage website?! If you want to “date” for five years, then you’re in the wrong religion.

So, what’s my advice if you ever get one of the “marry me now” emails? Ignore the person and hopefully they’ll get the hint. And if they email you again, block them. This is not someone who is looking for a marriage partner. This is someone looking for a fast marriage. Or a visa. There’s a big difference between looking for the right person, and looking for any person.

If the person does not want to get married for another few years, then they are not serious and they are wasting both their time and yours. Politely end the emailing and move forward.

Above all, always do your istikharas, trust Allah’s guidance, and when you know something is wrong, step away.

Remember- Allah’s always watching!