Tag - Brothers And Sisters

Live Call with Baba Ali…Coming Soon

Assalamu alaikum

Quick heads up.  Alhamdulillah we’ve gotten amazing feedback from the launch of the Muslim Marriage Movement and clearly there is lots of work to do.  I wanted to give you a heads up to look out for a special LIVE call Baba Ali that we will be doing very soon in shaa Allah. (more…)

Keepin’ it Halal with Muslim Matrimony Sites

“You joined a matchmaking website??! Don’t you know those things are like super haram?!”. This is a common response that a lot of people might get if they went around telling their friends they joined Half Our Deen, a Muslim Matrimony site. And, had they joined any other matchmaking website that statement probably would have some truth to it. You know, with all the pictures and physical stats on profiles and lack of any REAL information about the individuals. Not to mention the chat features. It’s more like a social network than a place  to actually find a spouse!

One of the ways that Half Our Deen distinguishes itself from other online matchmaking websites is by taking precautions to remain a safe, Islamic, environment. We have insured that only brothers and sisters who are seriously seeking a spouse have access to profiles. We have also set up detailed compatibility tests and offered the option of adding your own questions so it is easy to screen potential spouses without spending hours in conversation.

However, once you have found a good match it is your responsibility to keep it halal. Islamically, there is nothing wrong with getting to know your potential spouse. Infact, it is recommended. There are conditions when it comes to interacting with them, though. So, what are  some of the ways you can make sure you’re keeping it halal?

1) Stick to relevant topics such as understanding financial situations, where you’d live if you married, the role of your families in your life, the parenting style you’d like to implement, the types of activities you enjoy and any other topic that would affect your lives together.

2) Have a third party aware of and included in your correspondence. Knowing that someone else is reading what you type is sure way to avoid being flirtatious or going off topic.

3) Get the wali involved as soon as possible. You might think that bringing up the wali will make you seem pushy or that you’re moving too fast. In reality, it will make the other person respect you and realize that you are 100% serious.

4) Make sure you are corresponding because you need to and not because you want to. If you find yourself making up excuses to email the other person, spending hours chatting, and wanting to relate everything that happens during your day to them then you’re starting to tread on dangerous waters. Once emotions get involved the halal/haram line begins to blur and your decision making skills can be impaired. So take a step back, get the families involved, and move forward with the next steps to getting married.

After all, age really is but a number

My family and I recently relocated across the country. In the months leading up to the big move I spent hours and hours planning. But what I spent the most time doing for those 5 months was house hunting. I picked the neighborhood I wanted and then proceeded to try and find a house with ALL our specifications in that neighborhood. Two months passed and I still couldn’t find one that fit our criteria. But I was stubborn and determined to have everything I wanted in the location I wanted. Needless to say I failed. With less than a month left till moving day I finally relented and searched in other neighborhoods and Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) blessed us with an amazing house in an amazing location.

So you’re probably wondering why I’m boring you with my moving diaries? Because as humans we create a precise picture of what we want (in a house, in a spouse, in our kids) and set out to full fill that picture. What we fail to realize is that real life and our imaginations don’t always line up. And just because we can’t find what we think we’re looking for doesn’t mean that what we really need isn’t out there.

One of the points that brothers and sisters looking to get married often get hung up on is the age of their potential spouse. Brothers usually want someone a few years younger than themselves and sisters want someone who is older than themselves. This idea of the perfect age gap in marriage is one of the first requirements that goes down on our spouse list and is often one that we have a hard time letting go of.

In reality though, having a “proper” age gap does not necessarily lead to a successful marriage or to a compatibility. In fact, if we were to look back at the most significant marriage of all times, that of the Prophet Muhammad (saws) to Khadija (ra), you will note that they had the most nontraditional of all age gaps. Yet, you will never find a more loving, compatible, supportive, and nourishing coupling than theirs despite the odd age paring.

Age is much like the neighborhood in my moving example. By holding onto that ideal and not looking or considering anyone outside of it you are limiting yourself from finding someone that fits you. Brothers, just because a sister is a bit older than your ideal match doesn’t mean she will be any less beautiful or righteous. And sisters, just because a brother is a bit younger than your ideal match doesn’t mean he will be any less mature, caring, and responsible. So let’s step out of our “neighborhoods” and see what Allah (swt) has for waiting for us!

Ads, Ads and more Ads

 

Have you ever felt like Muslim matchmaking sites not only charge too much for membership, but are also trying to sell you things while you search? “Cheap international calls!” “Social Muslim networking!” You’ll notice these banner ads, text ads, and if they hold your email address, you may be on a spam emailing list so even more ads are delivered to you personally. Isn’t it all a bit too much when you are trying to focus on finding a spouse?

In 2011, Half Our Deen had over 7 million page views, but yet, there was not one ad. That’s right, absolutely no banner ads, text ads, or any sort of ad whatsoever. Our monthly members paid only $9 a month and our annual members paid the lowest price for any Muslim Marriage site on the internet, at just $5 a month.

Even by charging a fraction of the competition, Half Our Deen pays monthly for four fast servers, so the site runs fast and smoothly, and even pays its entire staff because their effort is valued. So if you’re paying more than $9/month for Muslim Matchmaking, then you are most likely being overcharged.

Some companies have a goal of profit. Our goal at Half Our Deen is to bring single Muslim brothers and sisters together for the sole purpose of marriage. Alhamdulillah, 243 people from across the world have found their spouse through www.halfourdeen.com. Come and join us, and inshaAllah you too will find the one.

You won’t see an ad. We promise.

Allah knows what you do… Even on the internet

This is just a short reminder to my dear brothers and sisters to keep in mind that when you’re contacting someone for the sake of marriage through Half Our Deen, any other marriage website, or even through someone you know, to keep your emails and correspondence halal. Keep it strictly to do with the issue of marriage.

Ask the questions that matter. There is no need for “Oh, you have such pretty eyes” or “I like your smile.” Or any emotions such as “I love you.” Or for you to meet up alone where even worse things can occur.

Allah is always watching. Allah knows everything you do. Even when you’re completely alone at your computer answering your emails, He is there. So stick with your intention of marriage, and keep your emails to the point. Society tells us that two people need to meet, fall in love, and get married. The beauty of Islam is that two people can meet, get married and then learn every detail about each other and fall in love together in an environment where you earn reward for your love and kindness towards your spouse. What more could we ask for?

So please, check your emails and make sure shaitaan does not get his way. Be like the Prophet Yusuf who resisted temptation and said “Truly to no good come those that do wrong” (Holy Quran, Chapter 12, verse 23). And if you have been involved in such conversations, it’s never too late to stop. Ask for forgiveness, turn back to Allah and change your actions.

Allah loves those who turn to Him.

Put Deen, Not Dunya, at the Forefront of Your Wedding

 

We live in a dunya where “bigger is better” and “bling” is a word in our vocab. People will go through financial difficulties to show people they don’t really care about that they have money/status/a place in society. Currently, the average wedding in the U.S costs approximately $27,000.

Did your jaw drop? Mine certainly did.

And somehow, Muslim weddings have managed to be taken over by this falseness. Somehow, our brothers and sisters are throwing bigger and more expensive parties for the sake of a union that is already abundantly beautiful and blessed no matter how big the event hall is.

Here we are, an Ummah that is blessed with a glorious deen, a deen that is not interested in money or wealth, but on character and akhlaq. To our Lord who tells us “The material things which you are given are but the conveniences of this life and the glitter thereof; But that which is with God is better and more enduring: Will you not then be wise?” (The Holy Quran, Chapter 28, verse 60)

There is too much pressure on our brothers and sisters for a lavish wedding. Have you been through this? It could be your spouse who wants a big, fancy party, or your parents who are determined to throw the best event(s) money can buy. Or even yourself. Perhaps you are imagining a lavish wedding that has your guests gazing in amazement?

There are people who are set to get married, but want to save up thousands of dollars to have an unnecessary and over-the-top event. Money is thrown around at every angle, from the centerpieces to the cake, and some Muslim weddings have even been seen to have men and women mixing and dancing together because “it’s a special day.”

This day, like everyday, is being watched by Allah. He sees and hears everything we do. Is this how we want to start our lives as husband and wife? With money and material objects being at the forefront of our minds?

The Prophet (saw) was a humble man. He encouraged us to be humble and give in charity. How about having a small gathering at home, with the people that truly care about you? Or a simple masjid gathering? Why not take this money and do something beneficial, like plan a trip to Mecca, or donate it to the many starving children across the world? Start your life without debt.

If we took all the thought, and planning and time that is taken to plan such a huge event, and put it into bettering ourselves as Muslims, and putting the effort into preparing ourselves for marriage, surely this would be more rewarding? The wedding at the most will be a few hours. Your marriage will last a lifetime InshAllah!

So please, ask yourself this: Does having a lavish wedding make a difference to the life my spouse and I will have?

Looking for a spouse? Remember to pray Istikhara

 

 

As Muslims, we have been blessed with an endless list of duas. There is a dua for traveling, a dua for when it rains, even a dua for when you enter the bathroom. However, one of my personal favorites is the istikhara dua.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) encouraged us to pray Salatul Istikhara when we are concerned about something, in order to ask for Allah’s guidance to help us see if the situation is good or bad for us. We pray two rakats, and read the istikhara dua, where we name the particular issue and ask Allah that if the situation is good for us in this life, and more importantly, the afterlife, to bring us closer to it. And should the situation be bad for us, we ask Allah to take it away from us and out of hearts, and to bless us with whatever is good for us.

And yet, so many Muslims fail to use this prayer when it comes to finding a spouse. People rely on looks, wealth, kindness, or their family’s opinion, and forget that the best of all guiders is Allah. Even if a Muslim matchmaking website says you’re 99.8% right for each other, Allah knows what we do not.

From the beginning of your search, put your feelings aside, and ask Allah for His guidance. Ask Allah whether this person is right for you and seek His help alone. It may take time, but you’ll know whether or not this a good match through His direction. Encourage brothers and sisters that you know that are looking for a spouse to carry out this prayer. You can perform istikhara up to seven times, and if a woman is unable to pray the two rakats, they can simply read the dua.

Whenever we make make dua, we should remember to ask Allah to make the things that are good for us in our religion easy and accessible for us, and that He makes whatever is bad for us in our religion very difficult, so that it is almost impossible to proceed with the bad, but the good becomes easier in the process.

We must always be sincere and genuine when making dua, and not ask with the hopes that the answer is yes, this is the one for you. Because if the person in question is not the one, no matter how we feel, Allah has a better plan, and will guide you to someone that is right for you.

Allah knows best.

Crazies on the Net!

 

So, you’ve put your profile up on a Muslim marriage website, and you wait in anticipation for a response while you browse other profiles. Suddenly, a message pops up.

“Salaamo alaikum, I like your profile. Let’s talk.”

Great! Allahu akbar! That’s what you’re here for right? Until the next email is- “I know you’re the one. Let’s get married.”

Wait- what? Um, that was a bit fast. We haven’t even discussed anything yet.

“I know, but I’ve read your profile and this is it. We will work.”

Does this really happen? Sadly, it does. I’ve heard of both brothers and sisters being emailed by someone of the opposite gender who has stated “I love you” or “Marry me” in the first email. One brother was approached by sister who stated that she just had to marry him, and not to worry about the wedding, she would pay for everything. In her second email.

People, let’s be clear- you can smell desperation. Even through the internet.

And then there’s the opposite. You’re getting to know someone and it looks like there is progress when they state “I don’t think I want to get married for another five years.”

Excuse me for stating the obvious but- why are you on a Muslim marriage website?! If you want to “date” for five years, then you’re in the wrong religion.

So, what’s my advice if you ever get one of the “marry me now” emails? Ignore the person and hopefully they’ll get the hint. And if they email you again, block them. This is not someone who is looking for a marriage partner. This is someone looking for a fast marriage. Or a visa. There’s a big difference between looking for the right person, and looking for any person.

If the person does not want to get married for another few years, then they are not serious and they are wasting both their time and yours. Politely end the emailing and move forward.

Above all, always do your istikharas, trust Allah’s guidance, and when you know something is wrong, step away.

Remember- Allah’s always watching!