In Islam we are taught to acquire as much knowledge as we can about a potential spouse in order to feel confident about the decision to move forward with the marriage. This is even more true when the potential spouse is not from our area or someone that was introduced to us by a friend or family member. So how can you be sure of someone you meet through Half Our Deen?
1) Once you are seriously considering a match ask them for the contact information of family members, friends, or even their local Imam. No one will know them better than these people and you will able to get first hand knowledge of how they conduct themselves on a daily basis.
2) Another option that people have used is by gaining information through social media. Most people have accounts on sites such as twitter and facebook and they can be a way to see who their friends are, how they speak to others, and what type of manners they have.
3) Lastly, if you want more assurance on the identity of a person you can use people search and background check websites that will tell you everything from where they have lived to what their financial status is. One of the more respected sites that offer these services is www.ussearch.com.
My family and I recently relocated across the country. In the months leading up to the big move I spent hours and hours planning. But what I spent the most time doing for those 5 months was house hunting. I picked the neighborhood I wanted and then proceeded to try and find a house with ALL our specifications in that neighborhood. Two months passed and I still couldn’t find one that fit our criteria. But I was stubborn and determined to have everything I wanted in the location I wanted. Needless to say I failed. With less than a month left till moving day I finally relented and searched in other neighborhoods and Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) blessed us with an amazing house in an amazing location.
So you’re probably wondering why I’m boring you with my moving diaries? Because as humans we create a precise picture of what we want (in a house, in a spouse, in our kids) and set out to full fill that picture. What we fail to realize is that real life and our imaginations don’t always line up. And just because we can’t find what we think we’re looking for doesn’t mean that what we really need isn’t out there.
One of the points that brothers and sisters looking to get married often get hung up on is the age of their potential spouse. Brothers usually want someone a few years younger than themselves and sisters want someone who is older than themselves. This idea of the perfect age gap in marriage is one of the first requirements that goes down on our spouse list and is often one that we have a hard time letting go of.
In reality though, having a “proper” age gap does not necessarily lead to a successful marriage or to a compatibility. In fact, if we were to look back at the most significant marriage of all times, that of the Prophet Muhammad (saws) to Khadija (ra), you will note that they had the most nontraditional of all age gaps. Yet, you will never find a more loving, compatible, supportive, and nourishing coupling than theirs despite the odd age paring.
Age is much like the neighborhood in my moving example. By holding onto that ideal and not looking or considering anyone outside of it you are limiting yourself from finding someone that fits you. Brothers, just because a sister is a bit older than your ideal match doesn’t mean she will be any less beautiful or righteous. And sisters, just because a brother is a bit younger than your ideal match doesn’t mean he will be any less mature, caring, and responsible. So let’s step out of our “neighborhoods” and see what Allah (swt) has for waiting for us!
The success of Half Our Deen as a site for single Muslims is apparent in the flow of emails we get from members who have found their other half. This motivates us to work harder on constantly improving the site. HOD does not run on a volunteer staff like many organizations, but rather pays its entire staff. Although new features and modules are continuously being added to HOD, it has not been done so at the expense of the members. No matter how many features we implement, the cost of HOD will always remain the same. InshAllah.
A little while ago, we sent out a survey asking our members which features you would like to see improve on HOD first. After reading your feedback, we assigned two of our top software engineers to re-develop the Messaging Module and program the Matching Preferences Module. After nearly 80 hrs of development, we are happy to announce that our New Messaging System (Beta) is here. It is a great improvement from our initial messaging system Alhamdulillah. We have added timestamps and reply correspondence to each message. The ability to view your messages in a conversation format, much like Gmail and Facebook, has made it very functional and easy to use.
Our “Matching Preferences” module is almost complete and is currently being tested. We hope to announce the completion of that project very shortly InshAllah. We will continue working on adding new features and developing new modules so we can raise the bar of what a Muslim Matrimonial site should offer. InshAllah.