Tag - Muslim Marriage

Live Call with Baba Ali…Coming Soon

Assalamu alaikum

Quick heads up.  Alhamdulillah we’ve gotten amazing feedback from the launch of the Muslim Marriage Movement and clearly there is lots of work to do.  I wanted to give you a heads up to look out for a special LIVE call Baba Ali that we will be doing very soon in shaa Allah. (more…)

How to message someone you are interested in

One of the common concerns that we have received is “I send out a bunch of messages but no one responds. What am I doing wrong?!” One user told us that they have tried shortening the messages, or making them longer and including more details, but hasn’t been able to find a formula that yields consistent results. When it comes to initiating contact and messaging users on a Muslim matrimonial website such as Half Our Deen there are two points of view that need to be considered; the senders and the receivers.

For a sender the decision to contact another user is often a hard one to make. The nervous about being rejected or worse ignored! They aren’t sure if they are sharing enough about themselves or if they are making a fool out of themselves. Since writing the initial message is a hard task here are a few points to consider.

1) There is no right or wrong way to formulate a message. What matters most is that you stick to your tone of voice and try to express yourself as you normally would instead of making the tone more serious or quirky than you really are in hopes of it appealing to the receiver. If you aren’t sure about how your message reads ask a family member or friend to read it for you and get their feedback.

2) Less is often more in these situations. Just as you wouldn’t tell your full life story to someone the first time you meet them you shouldn’t do it in the first message. Getting to know someone is a gradual process and overloading them with information at one time can be off putting.

3) Be straight forward and make sure to include a question for them to respond to. If your message says “Salaam! My name is Fatima/Ahmed. I’m 27 and live in Toronto. Take care!” the receiver might not know what do with that message and disregard it. Whereas, if your message clearly says “I viewed your profile, responded to your questions, and I feel we could be a good match. Would you like to get to know each other better? “ the receiver has a clear question to respond to and knows what your stance is.

4) Be patient and don’t be disheartened if you don’t received a response right away. There are many reasons that someone may not respond and it more than likely has nothing to do with what you wrote in your message. It could be as simple as they haven’t logged onto Half Our Deen in a while.

That being said if you are on the receiving end of a message there are etiquette you should follow as well. The greatest of them being to respond! It took guts for the other person to initiate and now it is your turn to be respectful and answer them. If you aren’t interested simply say that. Contrary to what some might think ignoring a message is not letting the other person down easy. Infact it will probably hurt their feelings more than a kindly worded rejection. If the reason you haven’t responded is you find the person appealing but its not the right time for you to pursue them tell them that. Whatever your response is they want to hear it so don’t leave them hanging.

Regardless if you are the sender or the responder it important to remember that as Muslims we should treat others with kindness, respect, and as we would like to be treated.

Common Mistakes Newlyweds Fall Into

You’ve spent months searching for your special someone. Now that you’ve finally found them you promise yourself that you will cherish the relationship and make it a priority in your life. There is no way you want to mess this up!

What we fail to realize is sometimes the mistakes we make in our relationships are not intentional; they sort of creep up on you when you are least expecting it. So what are some of these common mistakes and how can we avoid them as Newlyweds?

Taking your spouse for granted
One of the easiest mistakes to make after marriage is to take your spouse for granted. Once the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon phase are gone the grind of of our day to day lives kick in. Each of the spouses fall into their designated roles and the wooing comes to a cease.

The remedy for this is simple—dedicate a set amount of time each week to do something special for or with your spouse. It could be a date night where you both put all other stresses behind you and focus on enjoying each others company. Or it could be that you surprise them with a trip to the spa (for the wife) or sporting event (for the husband). It could even be something as simple as leaving them a note in a place you know they will find or sending them a text message that reminds them how much you love and care for them (rather than reminding them to pick up milk on the way home!) What truly matters is that they should feel that the gesture came from the heart.

Failing to appreciate your spouse
Every person expresses love in a different way. So while you might express it through giving gifts your spouses version of expressing love may revolve around doing things for you. While another person may feel/express love through spending time with their spouse. And yet another might find it in touch and require extra hugs, cuddling, and intimate time in order to feel loved. So when two spouses feel and express love in different ways (for example: one of them constantly gives the other gifts hoping the other spouse will do the same while the other spouse is constantly freeing up time to spend with them hoping they will do the same) they may end up feeling unappreciated.

While you might not know what language of love your spouse responds to right away by observing and speaking to them about it you will be able to figure it out. Once you do make sure to appreciate and reciprocate the things they do that you know mean a lot to them.

Failing to listen and compromise
It can be a difficult transition from being the only one to make decisions for yourself to doing it as a unit. Sometimes this leads to not fully listening to your spouse. Instead of paying attention to what they truly mean it’s easy to hear what is superficially being said. In turn this can lead to a lack of compromise.

When an issue arises that you both do not agree on take the time to talk it through calmly. Figure out the points you are not willing to budge on and ask your spouse to do the same. Then, with a clear head see how both of your views can be reconciled.

Not living your own life
Just as it is important to make decisions together and consult each other in your daily lives it is also important to maintain a level of individuality. It is alright to have interests that your spouse does not partake in as long as you give them enough time as well. Being married does not mean that you have to give up every aspect of your per-marital life. In fact, it is healthy for both of you to have some time apart to participate in activities separately or to hang out with friends alone.

Using Half Our Deen Efficiently

One of the questions we get asked a lot is: “how can I increase my chances of finding a spouse through Half Our Deen?’ In a previous post we mentioned how creating a stellar profile will increase traffic to your profile however here are a few more tips:

1) Don’t rely only on the suggested matches and the matches emailed to you. Although these profiles are a high percentage match to yours it doesn’t mean that they are the only ones on Half Our Deen that could be compatible for you. So take the time to browse through profiles and judge for yourself who you might be interested in and who you are not.

2) Use the “I’d rather fast” button. When you come across a profile you are sure you are not interested in click the “I’d rather fast” button and it won’t be shown to you again. This way the next time you are browsing profiles you won’t waste time looking at ones you have already decided are not for you.

3) If you come across a profile that you believe you could be interested in but it does not include enough information for you to make a full decision take the time to send them a quick message and ask for more details.

4) Take the time to answer the questions that are posted on others profiles. Not only does this tell them more about you but by going through their questions and thinking about them you can learn more about the person.

5) Be patient! Although our members generally find their matches within 3-10 months for some it might take longer. Just because your perfect match isn’t on Half Our Deen today it doesn’t mean they won’t sign up tomorrow!

Being a Better You

One of the topics that comes up a lot when marriage is discussed is how it will help you be a better person. How after marriage half your deen will be completed and you will be more whole. And while this is true, to a certain extent, this improvement and development needs to begin before marriage.

The best way to find a spouse that will bring love and happiness into your life is to strive to be the best version of you or by being a better you. What is important here is that you don’t strive to be the version you think others will be most interested in. Instead, you stop trying to be something your not and focus on improving who you really are.

If there are people in your life that influence you in the wrong way or who do not bring out the good in you, now would be the time to distance yourself from them. This can be an extremely hard task however it is an important step in freeing yourself from negative influences in your past and allowing yourself to grow and mature. It is also a step in the right direction in putting yourself first and focusing on what will help you succeed.

In order to succeed in a future relationship you have to to forgive yourself for past mistakes and not be afraid to make more. No human is perfect. If you expect perfection from yourself and constantly compete with others you will never be satisfied with what you have accomplished. So let go of your ideals of perfection. Embrace the challenges that are thrown at you. Use them as learning experiences instead of potential failures.

Learn to take a break and enjoy the small moments in life. It’s amazing how much happiness you can gain by appreciating actions or experiences that may otherwise be overlooked. Society teaches us that happiness comes from materialistic things and other people, whereas the reality is if you are not happy with yourself you will not be happy with anything.

Above all else, be grateful to Allah (swt) for all the blessings in your life. Just the fact that you woke up today seeing is more than many others can say. So, stop worrying and stressing and instead put your trust in Allah (swt). And continue working on yourself until your other half comes along!

Half Our Deen’s 2nd Anniversary!

Half our Deen turned 2 last week and we couldn’t be more excited! In fact, here is what Baba Ali himself has to say about this amazing milestone:

 

Since Half Our Deen launched in July 2010, no other Muslim Matchmaking site has been able to match the two features that we are known for; our Privacy and Price. With over 2200 active member using the site and over 320 success stories, Half Our Deen is one of the most successful Muslim Matchmaking sites on the net. It’s hard to believe so many success stories have come in just two years. Alhamdulilillah”

Two years ago we set out to create a Muslim Matrimonial website that was unlike anything else out there. We put our trust in Allah (swt), and made duaa it would be a successful means of bringing Muslims into healthy and happy marriages. While, we hoped for a great outcome we were happily surprised by how great of a response we had.

By the grace of Allah (swt), in this past year alone our number of matches have more than doubled to over 300, with new matches being made daily. The average time for a match to be found has also gone down to between 3-6 months. And with the number of active users at over 2200 and growing each day that time frame is bound to go down!

This past year has also been a productive one for us at Half Our Deen. Alhamdulillah, we were able to revamp and improve the website. We hoped to make it more visually appealing and functional for our users. So far the feedback we have received has been extremely positive. However, we are always looking for ways to make your matrimonial experience more convenient so if you have a suggestion on how we can improve make sure to let us know!

A new year of development is ahead of us and we couldn’t be more excited for what we have planned for this year. We couldn’t be happier that Ramadan is kicking off our new year. Ramadan is the perfect time for us to go back and re-evaluate our intentions and turn to Allah (swt) in duaa asking for his assistance in our our endeavours.

Ramadan is also an excellent time for all you out there searching for your other half! It’s a blessed time of renewal where duaas are accepted. It’s the time for you to turn to Allah in the middle of the night and ask for every specific thing you could dream of in a spouse and inshaAllah it will be granted to you when the time is right.

It is also the perfect time to break bad habits and build good ones With the hustle and bustle of normal life it is easy to continuously put off these goals of improvement. Ramadan, helps put what is important into perspective and gives you that extra push you need to start on your journey of betterment.

May Allah swt make this Ramdan a blessed and fulfilling one for all of us. Aameen!

Let’s get real

Their eyes meet from across the crowded park. He is taken aback by her beauty. Her face glows like a full moon and he can’t seem to divert his eyes from her as her purple hijab flutters softly in the wind. She is mesmerized by the honesty and sincerity that eludes from him. She can sense that he will never hurt her. They just know that a life together will be full of happiness and tranquillity. It will be chock-full of romantic walks to the beach, date nights at a new restaurant every week, two amazing children that will grow up to memorize the Quran and be the apple of their eyes. And, let’s not forget that gorgeous house they will own together—every piece of furniture hand made by him and every room tastefully designed by her.

If the paragraph above seems like it belongs in a cheesy late night movie that’s because it’s exactly what inspired it. Sadly, these same movies are what we use to gauge our relationships by and aspire to. They shape our ideal match for us and ingrain us with wants of perfection that would not only make our lives dull and boring but are impossible to attain.

That’s not to say that love and happiness are not attainable in a marriage. Not at all. In fact, every strong marriage will be built on love and lead to happiness. However, love is not the only building block that is involved. Along with it there is trust, honesty, good communication, patience, compromise, loyalty, and most importantly compatibility. So, sorry to say, but love does not conquer all.

The other main issue with these fantasy portrayals of spouses and marriage is that it skews our perception of who is right for us. It romanticizes the qualities they feel should be important to us in a mate to the point that we sometimes lose sight of who we really need. Allah (swt) created each of us unique with our own likes and dislikes so how is it possible that only one prototype of a spouse would fit all?

When it comes to finding our other half what matters most is what qualities in a spouse will bring out the best in us. How will their personality, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and manners affect us. So let’s take a moment and write down a realistic characterization of who our ideal spouse is and kick the h(b)ollywood portrayals of perfection to the curb!

The Problem with Parents

Parents and children clashing is not something new. Even if both were raised in the same country, with the same values, and the same way of life just being from two different generations causes them to view the world differently. When you add to the generation difference that a large number of Muslim parents are immigrants it makes the differences in life views all the greater. It comes at no surprise then that the topic of marriage is often a heated debate between children and parents in Muslim households.

The most common issue that arises is when parents and their children have opposing views on who a suitable spouse is. Often times the parents have a hard time letting go of their cultural preferences and view it as their right/job to choose a spouse for their offspring. Whereas, the son/daughter feels that they know who will be most compatible for them and feel that it is their choice to choose who they would like to spend the rest of their life with.

When going through these issues with parents, especially when it involves a religious son/daughter vs. a more cultural parent, is important to keep a couple of things in mind.

1) Our parents have immense amount of rights upon us. So even when we disagree with them and oppose them we must do so with good manners and respect.
2) Don’t be completely closed off to your parents input. It’s easy to drown out everything they have to say when you feel you are on opposite sides. Instead, listen to what they are saying and try to reach a middle ground.
3) Giving in to their demands is not a solution either. In Islam you have the right to choose your spouse. If your parents are not willing to listen to you then try approaching someone they respect to speak to them on your behalf.
4) Don’t forget the power of duaa. When it comes to finding your other half and getting your family to accept them, duaa can go a long way.

So, while it is true that we have a right to choose a spouse based on our personal preferences and specifications we should also respect our parents’ input as they have more experience in life than us. They also have rights upon us and deserve our respect and honor even if we disagree with them. At the end of the day, a parent just wants their child to be happy and while they may remain stubborn on their opinion and oppose yours they will eventually come around to accepting your stance on the matter.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Ask any parent what the most frustrating part of going on a road trip with kids is and they’ll probably say it’s the none stop questions of “Baba! Are we there yet?!” and “ Mama! How much longer till we get there??” These are questions that we’ll hear from our kids countless of times and ones we probably asked our parents more times than they’d like to remember. Children are so focused on their destination and the fun they’ll have there that they miss out on the adventure leading up to it. We attribute this to the fact that children lack patience but in reality it’s just human nature. When we are focused on something we want we often ignore the other good things in our life.

The journey to get married is not always an easy one. Some people face great hardships not only in finding a spouse but maybe even financially or family wise. And while these hardships might make you feel like it isn’t meant for you or it will never happen they are, inshaAllah, there to lead you to the right spouse, in the right time, who will be your other half in this life and your partner in Jannah (inshaAllah).

One mistake that a lot of us do when we are looking to get married is live, breath, eat, and sleep marriage. It is the main topic when we are with our friends. It’s what our google searches revolve around. And it’s what our dreams are made of. Alhamdulilah, on Half Our Deen, many have gotten married within weeks of joining. Others take months. When this happens is not in our hands, but the effort we put in is. However, most people who join have already been searching for a while so the time can feel like it is dragging on and on and no progress is being made. So instead of being fully focused on this one goal we should try to spend this transitional time to better ourselves and work on being the best person we can be. Enjoy our time with family and friends. And focus our energy in ways that will enrich our life with our spouse (For example: memorize Quran, work on your career, take some extra classes, travel).

When things in life don’t play out exactly how we pictured them to it is easy to get discouraged and give up. Instead, let’s enjoy the journey so we can have exciting experiences to share with our spouse when that day comes. And let us always remember to seek help in our journey with lots of prayer, duaa, and patience for “Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient and persevere” [2:153]