Tag - Muslim Matchmaking

Live Call with Baba Ali…Coming Soon

Assalamu alaikum

Quick heads up.  Alhamdulillah we’ve gotten amazing feedback from the launch of the Muslim Marriage Movement and clearly there is lots of work to do.  I wanted to give you a heads up to look out for a special LIVE call Baba Ali that we will be doing very soon in shaa Allah. (more…)

The Problem with Parents

Parents and children clashing is not something new. Even if both were raised in the same country, with the same values, and the same way of life just being from two different generations causes them to view the world differently. When you add to the generation difference that a large number of Muslim parents are immigrants it makes the differences in life views all the greater. It comes at no surprise then that the topic of marriage is often a heated debate between children and parents in Muslim households.

The most common issue that arises is when parents and their children have opposing views on who a suitable spouse is. Often times the parents have a hard time letting go of their cultural preferences and view it as their right/job to choose a spouse for their offspring. Whereas, the son/daughter feels that they know who will be most compatible for them and feel that it is their choice to choose who they would like to spend the rest of their life with.

When going through these issues with parents, especially when it involves a religious son/daughter vs. a more cultural parent, is important to keep a couple of things in mind.

1) Our parents have immense amount of rights upon us. So even when we disagree with them and oppose them we must do so with good manners and respect.
2) Don’t be completely closed off to your parents input. It’s easy to drown out everything they have to say when you feel you are on opposite sides. Instead, listen to what they are saying and try to reach a middle ground.
3) Giving in to their demands is not a solution either. In Islam you have the right to choose your spouse. If your parents are not willing to listen to you then try approaching someone they respect to speak to them on your behalf.
4) Don’t forget the power of duaa. When it comes to finding your other half and getting your family to accept them, duaa can go a long way.

So, while it is true that we have a right to choose a spouse based on our personal preferences and specifications we should also respect our parents’ input as they have more experience in life than us. They also have rights upon us and deserve our respect and honor even if we disagree with them. At the end of the day, a parent just wants their child to be happy and while they may remain stubborn on their opinion and oppose yours they will eventually come around to accepting your stance on the matter.

Enhancing your Half Our Deen profile

What makes Half Our Deen special is that it does not utilize the typical, cookie cutter, approach that other Muslim matrimonial websites do. Instead of a typical profile that only lists superficial information the aim at Half Our Deen is to provide real insight into the individual and not just how tall they are. Becasue of that it is important that you take your time to fill out your profile, honestly and thoughtfully, just as you’d hope everyone else would.

Here are a few things to consider when doing so:

Picture
Choosing to post up a picture is a big deal for some people. It takes away the anonymity. At the same time, as humans we are visual beings so having a picture up would mean increased traffic to your profile. If you do choose to post up your photo post a photo of yourself as you would look on a typical day. Ovoid using pictures that seem staged, over dressed, or overdone.

About Me/Who I’m Looking For

These two sections are extremely important as they are you chance to express (in your words) who you are and who you are looking for. It is important that you know the answer to these questions before you write up your response. Be honest, explain yourself well, but try to keep the post brief and to the point. Think about what you would like to know about others through their profiles and include that information on yours. This is the chance you have to show off your amazing personality so make sure that it shows in what you write instead of coming off as a typical/generic response.

Questions That Matter

Posting up questions that matter to you give the other person even more insight into who you are. It also allows you to screen out potential matches based on their responses to your questions. Take some time to think about the questions you want to ask. If you’re not sure what to ask you can browse the 100 already written questions on Half Our Deen and add any of them to your profile. Keep in mind though, if you add too many questions it may deter others from answering them.

 

Compatibility Tests

Answering the survey questions not only helps others get to know you but may also teach you something about yourself. There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to these tests. They are simply a way for you to describe who you are and help match you with others who share the same thoughts and values.

It is our hope, InshaAllah, that by utilizing all of the profile features on Half Our Deen not only will you find a match in a timely manner but that you will both prosper together for years to come!

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Ask any parent what the most frustrating part of going on a road trip with kids is and they’ll probably say it’s the none stop questions of “Baba! Are we there yet?!” and “ Mama! How much longer till we get there??” These are questions that we’ll hear from our kids countless of times and ones we probably asked our parents more times than they’d like to remember. Children are so focused on their destination and the fun they’ll have there that they miss out on the adventure leading up to it. We attribute this to the fact that children lack patience but in reality it’s just human nature. When we are focused on something we want we often ignore the other good things in our life.

The journey to get married is not always an easy one. Some people face great hardships not only in finding a spouse but maybe even financially or family wise. And while these hardships might make you feel like it isn’t meant for you or it will never happen they are, inshaAllah, there to lead you to the right spouse, in the right time, who will be your other half in this life and your partner in Jannah (inshaAllah).

One mistake that a lot of us do when we are looking to get married is live, breath, eat, and sleep marriage. It is the main topic when we are with our friends. It’s what our google searches revolve around. And it’s what our dreams are made of. Alhamdulilah, on Half Our Deen, many have gotten married within weeks of joining. Others take months. When this happens is not in our hands, but the effort we put in is. However, most people who join have already been searching for a while so the time can feel like it is dragging on and on and no progress is being made. So instead of being fully focused on this one goal we should try to spend this transitional time to better ourselves and work on being the best person we can be. Enjoy our time with family and friends. And focus our energy in ways that will enrich our life with our spouse (For example: memorize Quran, work on your career, take some extra classes, travel).

When things in life don’t play out exactly how we pictured them to it is easy to get discouraged and give up. Instead, let’s enjoy the journey so we can have exciting experiences to share with our spouse when that day comes. And let us always remember to seek help in our journey with lots of prayer, duaa, and patience for “Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient and persevere” [2:153]

Keepin’ it Halal with Muslim Matrimony Sites

“You joined a matchmaking website??! Don’t you know those things are like super haram?!”. This is a common response that a lot of people might get if they went around telling their friends they joined Half Our Deen, a Muslim Matrimony site. And, had they joined any other matchmaking website that statement probably would have some truth to it. You know, with all the pictures and physical stats on profiles and lack of any REAL information about the individuals. Not to mention the chat features. It’s more like a social network than a place  to actually find a spouse!

One of the ways that Half Our Deen distinguishes itself from other online matchmaking websites is by taking precautions to remain a safe, Islamic, environment. We have insured that only brothers and sisters who are seriously seeking a spouse have access to profiles. We have also set up detailed compatibility tests and offered the option of adding your own questions so it is easy to screen potential spouses without spending hours in conversation.

However, once you have found a good match it is your responsibility to keep it halal. Islamically, there is nothing wrong with getting to know your potential spouse. Infact, it is recommended. There are conditions when it comes to interacting with them, though. So, what are  some of the ways you can make sure you’re keeping it halal?

1) Stick to relevant topics such as understanding financial situations, where you’d live if you married, the role of your families in your life, the parenting style you’d like to implement, the types of activities you enjoy and any other topic that would affect your lives together.

2) Have a third party aware of and included in your correspondence. Knowing that someone else is reading what you type is sure way to avoid being flirtatious or going off topic.

3) Get the wali involved as soon as possible. You might think that bringing up the wali will make you seem pushy or that you’re moving too fast. In reality, it will make the other person respect you and realize that you are 100% serious.

4) Make sure you are corresponding because you need to and not because you want to. If you find yourself making up excuses to email the other person, spending hours chatting, and wanting to relate everything that happens during your day to them then you’re starting to tread on dangerous waters. Once emotions get involved the halal/haram line begins to blur and your decision making skills can be impaired. So take a step back, get the families involved, and move forward with the next steps to getting married.

Behind the Scenes at Half Our Deen

Here at Half Our Deen it is our goal to help the greatest number of couples find their other half. In order to do that we have a dedicated team who is constantly working to make Half Our Deen more efficient. One of the projects they we have been working on is a totally revamped and upgraded site! We are super excited about this development and hope it makes your experience on Half Our Deen even more pleasing.

The new Half Our Deen will be, not only, more appealing to look at but also includes new features and is easier to navigate. One of the upgrades that we take great pride in is added security features. Knowing that their data is private and secure is one of the biggest draws for our users. Keeping that in mind not only do we aim to maintain that security level but to increase it when possible.

As you know making money is not the main goal of Half Our Deen. Instead, the funds we have are invested back into the website to enrich your experience. While other websites might use the same template for years we believe in constantly changing for the better. Knowing that, by the grace of Allah, more than 315 couples have found their other halves on our site in just 23 months not only motivates us but also challenges us to raise the bar.

The current average time to find a match on Half Our Deen is five to eleven months. With some of our users finding there matches in as little as three! InshaAllah, we hope that by continuing to upgrade and evolve the popularity of Half Our Deen will increase and we can help even more of the Ummah find their match.

Questions you should be asking your potential matches

There are no right or wrong questions to ask when you are looking to get married. What it boils down to is what is important to you. What lifestyle would you like to lead with your spouse? What qualities in a spouse would bring out the best in you? And what things could you compromise on without compromising your happiness?

One of the unique features of Half Our Deen is that it allows you create your own questions instead of simply asking standard ones. This grants you the advantage of being able to ask about what really matters right at the start and receiving answers from potential matches on these matters before you spend hours getting to know them!  Not only does this save you from wasting time it is also one of the ways that Half Our Deen keeps our system Islamic. That way, the only time you need to begin communication with someone is when you are serious about the chances of marriage and both believe that your views of life match up!

In order to use this feature efficiently make sure to spend some time thinking about 1) What matters to you, and 2) How your spouse will fit into these points. So for example, if you are willing to relocate for your spouse but it is still important for you to maintain strong ties with friends and family back home you could ask,  “If I relocate to your area how often would we take trips to visit my family?” That way you know ahead of time what to expect.

Even questions that might not seem important are worth asking. If you’re an avid foodie who enjoys experimenting in the kitchen your best match might not be someone who is perfectly content with traditional foods and has no desire to change! So ask what their food preferences are. Or if they are more comfortable eating gluten free or organic. While these issues might seem insignificant compared larger ones such as “Would our children attend Islamic Schools, public schools, or be home schooled?”, if it’s important to you it’s still worth asking.

Verifying a potential match’s identity

In Islam we are taught to acquire as much knowledge as we can about a potential spouse in order to feel confident about the decision to move forward with the marriage. This is even more true when the potential spouse is not from our area or someone that was introduced to us by a friend or family member. So how can you be sure of someone you meet through Half Our Deen?

1) Once you are seriously considering a match ask them for the contact information of family members, friends, or even their local Imam. No one will know them better than these people and you will able to get first hand knowledge of how they conduct themselves on a daily basis.

2) Another option that people have used is by gaining information through social media. Most people have accounts on sites such as twitter and facebook and they can be a way to see who their friends are, how they speak to others, and what type of manners they have.

3) Lastly, if you want more assurance on the identity of a person you can use people search and background check websites that will tell you everything from where they have lived to what their financial status is. One of the more respected sites that offer these services is www.ussearch.com.

After all, age really is but a number

My family and I recently relocated across the country. In the months leading up to the big move I spent hours and hours planning. But what I spent the most time doing for those 5 months was house hunting. I picked the neighborhood I wanted and then proceeded to try and find a house with ALL our specifications in that neighborhood. Two months passed and I still couldn’t find one that fit our criteria. But I was stubborn and determined to have everything I wanted in the location I wanted. Needless to say I failed. With less than a month left till moving day I finally relented and searched in other neighborhoods and Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) blessed us with an amazing house in an amazing location.

So you’re probably wondering why I’m boring you with my moving diaries? Because as humans we create a precise picture of what we want (in a house, in a spouse, in our kids) and set out to full fill that picture. What we fail to realize is that real life and our imaginations don’t always line up. And just because we can’t find what we think we’re looking for doesn’t mean that what we really need isn’t out there.

One of the points that brothers and sisters looking to get married often get hung up on is the age of their potential spouse. Brothers usually want someone a few years younger than themselves and sisters want someone who is older than themselves. This idea of the perfect age gap in marriage is one of the first requirements that goes down on our spouse list and is often one that we have a hard time letting go of.

In reality though, having a “proper” age gap does not necessarily lead to a successful marriage or to a compatibility. In fact, if we were to look back at the most significant marriage of all times, that of the Prophet Muhammad (saws) to Khadija (ra), you will note that they had the most nontraditional of all age gaps. Yet, you will never find a more loving, compatible, supportive, and nourishing coupling than theirs despite the odd age paring.

Age is much like the neighborhood in my moving example. By holding onto that ideal and not looking or considering anyone outside of it you are limiting yourself from finding someone that fits you. Brothers, just because a sister is a bit older than your ideal match doesn’t mean she will be any less beautiful or righteous. And sisters, just because a brother is a bit younger than your ideal match doesn’t mean he will be any less mature, caring, and responsible. So let’s step out of our “neighborhoods” and see what Allah (swt) has for waiting for us!