Tag - Muslim Matrimony

Live Call with Baba Ali…Coming Soon

Assalamu alaikum

Quick heads up.  Alhamdulillah we’ve gotten amazing feedback from the launch of the Muslim Marriage Movement and clearly there is lots of work to do.  I wanted to give you a heads up to look out for a special LIVE call Baba Ali that we will be doing very soon in shaa Allah. (more…)

Having an Open Mind

Getting married is a huge, life changing, event. We can spend years searching for the perfect person to be our other half. And for some of us, we’ve spent even longer dreaming about who this person will be. We’ve imagined every single detail about him/her and we plan on settling for nothing less than the ideal version of a spouse that we have conjured up. Considering how much this person will impact our lives, why should we?

Allah (swt) controls the matters of the heart and it truly is beautiful to see it in progress. The whole reason we got into Muslim Matchmaking was to do our part in helping the Ummah pair up! Hearing the success stories of those who found their other halves through HOD is beyond rewarding. You would be surprised to hear how many of these stories begin with; “I would have never thought of considering this person due to age/race/relocation issues but I can not be happier that I did”. By keeping an open mind and taking a chance on someone who did not seem to be the ideal match at first they were able to see deeper into who the person really is; ultimately finding their ideal spouse.

This is not to say that preferences do not matter when looking for a spouse. However, getting to know someone offers you insight into them that simple statistics on paper can not provide. So for example, on paper you might dismiss someone because they do not fall into the ideal age bracket for you. Instead, had you given them a chance and gotten to know them you might find that they are compatible with you and the fact that they are slightly older/younger than what you had in mind does not bother you as much as you thought it would. The same thing can be said for any number of characteristics that are used to determine who a valid match may be.

The truth is, when it comes to matters of the heart there is no way to predetermine where it will lead us. A lot of times chemistry and compatibility can be found with the most unlikely of suitors. And while, no one should ever marry someone they are not attracted to or do not feel is right for them they should likewise never turn a person down simply because they do not seem to line up with the image they have set. Instead, one should give them a chance. Get to know them. And who knows you may be surprised to find out that you have more in common than you could have imagined.

How to message someone you are interested in

One of the common concerns that we have received is “I send out a bunch of messages but no one responds. What am I doing wrong?!” One user told us that they have tried shortening the messages, or making them longer and including more details, but hasn’t been able to find a formula that yields consistent results. When it comes to initiating contact and messaging users on a Muslim matrimonial website such as Half Our Deen there are two points of view that need to be considered; the senders and the receivers.

For a sender the decision to contact another user is often a hard one to make. The nervous about being rejected or worse ignored! They aren’t sure if they are sharing enough about themselves or if they are making a fool out of themselves. Since writing the initial message is a hard task here are a few points to consider.

1) There is no right or wrong way to formulate a message. What matters most is that you stick to your tone of voice and try to express yourself as you normally would instead of making the tone more serious or quirky than you really are in hopes of it appealing to the receiver. If you aren’t sure about how your message reads ask a family member or friend to read it for you and get their feedback.

2) Less is often more in these situations. Just as you wouldn’t tell your full life story to someone the first time you meet them you shouldn’t do it in the first message. Getting to know someone is a gradual process and overloading them with information at one time can be off putting.

3) Be straight forward and make sure to include a question for them to respond to. If your message says “Salaam! My name is Fatima/Ahmed. I’m 27 and live in Toronto. Take care!” the receiver might not know what do with that message and disregard it. Whereas, if your message clearly says “I viewed your profile, responded to your questions, and I feel we could be a good match. Would you like to get to know each other better? “ the receiver has a clear question to respond to and knows what your stance is.

4) Be patient and don’t be disheartened if you don’t received a response right away. There are many reasons that someone may not respond and it more than likely has nothing to do with what you wrote in your message. It could be as simple as they haven’t logged onto Half Our Deen in a while.

That being said if you are on the receiving end of a message there are etiquette you should follow as well. The greatest of them being to respond! It took guts for the other person to initiate and now it is your turn to be respectful and answer them. If you aren’t interested simply say that. Contrary to what some might think ignoring a message is not letting the other person down easy. Infact it will probably hurt their feelings more than a kindly worded rejection. If the reason you haven’t responded is you find the person appealing but its not the right time for you to pursue them tell them that. Whatever your response is they want to hear it so don’t leave them hanging.

Regardless if you are the sender or the responder it important to remember that as Muslims we should treat others with kindness, respect, and as we would like to be treated.

The Power of Istikhara

One of the most powerful duaas that we have been given as Muslims is also one that we often overlook; The Duaa of Istikhara. What exactly is this duaa? It is a duaa that the prophet Muhammad (saws) gave us to use specifically when we are faced with making a decision in our life. And, while, we usually use this duaa for the really important ones like choosing which job to accept, what college to go to, or who to marry, it can be used for any choice that we are faced with. Hence The Power of Istikhara

Performing this duaa will only take five minutes of your time however the results can be profound. So how exactly should this duaa be performed?
On the authority of Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah he said: The Prophet (S) would instruct us to pray for guidance in all of our concerns, just as he would teach us a chapter from the Qur’an. He (S) would say ‘if any of you intends to undertake a mater then let him pray two supererogatory units (two rak’ah naafilah) of prayer and after which he should supplicate:

‘O Allaah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength and I ask You from Your immense favour, for verily You are able while I am not and verily You know while I do not and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allaah, if You know this affair -and here he mentions his need- to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it , and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.’

Now, while using this duaa when looking to get married is meant to help us in our decision making process it does not mean that we will get a vivid dream about the person we should marry or a clear sign. Instead, by making this duaa we are acknowledging that Allah (swt) knows what is best for us, His plan will lead us to what is right for us in this life, and that with His help if this person is the one that we should marry then He will make the path to marriage easy for us. Some people may feel that they have a clear sign while others don’t. Either way your istikhara will work for you.

We must be sincere when using this duaa and not use it with the hope of a specific outcome. You may feel this person is the one for you but only Allah (swt) knows who will truly be a compatible spouse for you. So go into this process with an open heart ready to accept what Allah (swt) has planned for you. No matter how we feel Allah (swt) has a better plan and will guide you to someone who is right for you.

Common Mistakes Newlyweds Fall Into

You’ve spent months searching for your special someone. Now that you’ve finally found them you promise yourself that you will cherish the relationship and make it a priority in your life. There is no way you want to mess this up!

What we fail to realize is sometimes the mistakes we make in our relationships are not intentional; they sort of creep up on you when you are least expecting it. So what are some of these common mistakes and how can we avoid them as Newlyweds?

Taking your spouse for granted
One of the easiest mistakes to make after marriage is to take your spouse for granted. Once the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon phase are gone the grind of of our day to day lives kick in. Each of the spouses fall into their designated roles and the wooing comes to a cease.

The remedy for this is simple—dedicate a set amount of time each week to do something special for or with your spouse. It could be a date night where you both put all other stresses behind you and focus on enjoying each others company. Or it could be that you surprise them with a trip to the spa (for the wife) or sporting event (for the husband). It could even be something as simple as leaving them a note in a place you know they will find or sending them a text message that reminds them how much you love and care for them (rather than reminding them to pick up milk on the way home!) What truly matters is that they should feel that the gesture came from the heart.

Failing to appreciate your spouse
Every person expresses love in a different way. So while you might express it through giving gifts your spouses version of expressing love may revolve around doing things for you. While another person may feel/express love through spending time with their spouse. And yet another might find it in touch and require extra hugs, cuddling, and intimate time in order to feel loved. So when two spouses feel and express love in different ways (for example: one of them constantly gives the other gifts hoping the other spouse will do the same while the other spouse is constantly freeing up time to spend with them hoping they will do the same) they may end up feeling unappreciated.

While you might not know what language of love your spouse responds to right away by observing and speaking to them about it you will be able to figure it out. Once you do make sure to appreciate and reciprocate the things they do that you know mean a lot to them.

Failing to listen and compromise
It can be a difficult transition from being the only one to make decisions for yourself to doing it as a unit. Sometimes this leads to not fully listening to your spouse. Instead of paying attention to what they truly mean it’s easy to hear what is superficially being said. In turn this can lead to a lack of compromise.

When an issue arises that you both do not agree on take the time to talk it through calmly. Figure out the points you are not willing to budge on and ask your spouse to do the same. Then, with a clear head see how both of your views can be reconciled.

Not living your own life
Just as it is important to make decisions together and consult each other in your daily lives it is also important to maintain a level of individuality. It is alright to have interests that your spouse does not partake in as long as you give them enough time as well. Being married does not mean that you have to give up every aspect of your per-marital life. In fact, it is healthy for both of you to have some time apart to participate in activities separately or to hang out with friends alone.

Being a Better You

One of the topics that comes up a lot when marriage is discussed is how it will help you be a better person. How after marriage half your deen will be completed and you will be more whole. And while this is true, to a certain extent, this improvement and development needs to begin before marriage.

The best way to find a spouse that will bring love and happiness into your life is to strive to be the best version of you or by being a better you. What is important here is that you don’t strive to be the version you think others will be most interested in. Instead, you stop trying to be something your not and focus on improving who you really are.

If there are people in your life that influence you in the wrong way or who do not bring out the good in you, now would be the time to distance yourself from them. This can be an extremely hard task however it is an important step in freeing yourself from negative influences in your past and allowing yourself to grow and mature. It is also a step in the right direction in putting yourself first and focusing on what will help you succeed.

In order to succeed in a future relationship you have to to forgive yourself for past mistakes and not be afraid to make more. No human is perfect. If you expect perfection from yourself and constantly compete with others you will never be satisfied with what you have accomplished. So let go of your ideals of perfection. Embrace the challenges that are thrown at you. Use them as learning experiences instead of potential failures.

Learn to take a break and enjoy the small moments in life. It’s amazing how much happiness you can gain by appreciating actions or experiences that may otherwise be overlooked. Society teaches us that happiness comes from materialistic things and other people, whereas the reality is if you are not happy with yourself you will not be happy with anything.

Above all else, be grateful to Allah (swt) for all the blessings in your life. Just the fact that you woke up today seeing is more than many others can say. So, stop worrying and stressing and instead put your trust in Allah (swt). And continue working on yourself until your other half comes along!

What makes a relationship successful?

Finding a compatible spouse is an important step in establishing a solid relationship but its also just the beginning. A healthy relationship is a two way street that takes a lot of dedication and hardwork but which ultimately leads to great happiness.

One of the building blocks of such a relationship is to try and live your life through the beauty of Islam. By following the Islamic teachings regarding spouses, everyone will have their rights fulfilled and be content. No one will feel under-appreciated or over-used.

Challenging and inspiring each other to be better will help the relationship develop further and will insure that you grow together rather than grow apart. Set goals that you would both like to achieve and work towards them with support and kindness.

Just as having projects and goals together is important so is having ones apart. Encourage your spouse to take up their own hobbies and to spend time with their friends and family. Not only will this give you some time apart to focus on your own interests but it will also show your spouse that you respect and care for their interests and the people they value.

Spouses can often overlook the faults of the one they love but that does not mean that you should. If there is something you know you can improve in be honest with yourself about it and work to change. Likewise, if you feel like you are starting to “let go” in aspects of your life such as taking care of your body don’t wait till the problem gets worse as it will be harder to fix.

Allah (swt) created you as unique individuals with differing points of view and modes of thinking so respect each others differences. As long as neither of you step out of line a disagreement can be healthy for the relationship. It shows that you trust each other enough to be yourself and to share your true opinions. If after hearing your spouse out you still do not agree with their point of view on the matter that’s fine! But if you realize that you might be at fault be humble and admit it.

Take the time to surprise your spouse. It can be something as simple as taking the afternoon off to spend with them or it can be over the top romantic and cliched. Regardless of what you do they will appreciate the time and effort you spent on just them.

Our spouses are half our deen and are means for our entrance in Jannah, so let’s take the time to appreciate them. By working on our relationships not only are we making our lives now more enjoyable but we are also gathering good deeds to make our lives in the hereafter even greater. And that what makes a relationship successful.

Half Our Deen’s 2nd Anniversary!

Half our Deen turned 2 last week and we couldn’t be more excited! In fact, here is what Baba Ali himself has to say about this amazing milestone:

 

Since Half Our Deen launched in July 2010, no other Muslim Matchmaking site has been able to match the two features that we are known for; our Privacy and Price. With over 2200 active member using the site and over 320 success stories, Half Our Deen is one of the most successful Muslim Matchmaking sites on the net. It’s hard to believe so many success stories have come in just two years. Alhamdulilillah”

Two years ago we set out to create a Muslim Matrimonial website that was unlike anything else out there. We put our trust in Allah (swt), and made duaa it would be a successful means of bringing Muslims into healthy and happy marriages. While, we hoped for a great outcome we were happily surprised by how great of a response we had.

By the grace of Allah (swt), in this past year alone our number of matches have more than doubled to over 300, with new matches being made daily. The average time for a match to be found has also gone down to between 3-6 months. And with the number of active users at over 2200 and growing each day that time frame is bound to go down!

This past year has also been a productive one for us at Half Our Deen. Alhamdulillah, we were able to revamp and improve the website. We hoped to make it more visually appealing and functional for our users. So far the feedback we have received has been extremely positive. However, we are always looking for ways to make your matrimonial experience more convenient so if you have a suggestion on how we can improve make sure to let us know!

A new year of development is ahead of us and we couldn’t be more excited for what we have planned for this year. We couldn’t be happier that Ramadan is kicking off our new year. Ramadan is the perfect time for us to go back and re-evaluate our intentions and turn to Allah (swt) in duaa asking for his assistance in our our endeavours.

Ramadan is also an excellent time for all you out there searching for your other half! It’s a blessed time of renewal where duaas are accepted. It’s the time for you to turn to Allah in the middle of the night and ask for every specific thing you could dream of in a spouse and inshaAllah it will be granted to you when the time is right.

It is also the perfect time to break bad habits and build good ones With the hustle and bustle of normal life it is easy to continuously put off these goals of improvement. Ramadan, helps put what is important into perspective and gives you that extra push you need to start on your journey of betterment.

May Allah swt make this Ramdan a blessed and fulfilling one for all of us. Aameen!

Let’s get real

Their eyes meet from across the crowded park. He is taken aback by her beauty. Her face glows like a full moon and he can’t seem to divert his eyes from her as her purple hijab flutters softly in the wind. She is mesmerized by the honesty and sincerity that eludes from him. She can sense that he will never hurt her. They just know that a life together will be full of happiness and tranquillity. It will be chock-full of romantic walks to the beach, date nights at a new restaurant every week, two amazing children that will grow up to memorize the Quran and be the apple of their eyes. And, let’s not forget that gorgeous house they will own together—every piece of furniture hand made by him and every room tastefully designed by her.

If the paragraph above seems like it belongs in a cheesy late night movie that’s because it’s exactly what inspired it. Sadly, these same movies are what we use to gauge our relationships by and aspire to. They shape our ideal match for us and ingrain us with wants of perfection that would not only make our lives dull and boring but are impossible to attain.

That’s not to say that love and happiness are not attainable in a marriage. Not at all. In fact, every strong marriage will be built on love and lead to happiness. However, love is not the only building block that is involved. Along with it there is trust, honesty, good communication, patience, compromise, loyalty, and most importantly compatibility. So, sorry to say, but love does not conquer all.

The other main issue with these fantasy portrayals of spouses and marriage is that it skews our perception of who is right for us. It romanticizes the qualities they feel should be important to us in a mate to the point that we sometimes lose sight of who we really need. Allah (swt) created each of us unique with our own likes and dislikes so how is it possible that only one prototype of a spouse would fit all?

When it comes to finding our other half what matters most is what qualities in a spouse will bring out the best in us. How will their personality, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and manners affect us. So let’s take a moment and write down a realistic characterization of who our ideal spouse is and kick the h(b)ollywood portrayals of perfection to the curb!