Tag - Surprise

The Problem with Parents

Parents and children clashing is not something new. Even if both were raised in the same country, with the same values, and the same way of life just being from two different generations causes them to view the world differently. When you add to the generation difference that a large number of Muslim parents are immigrants it makes the differences in life views all the greater. It comes at no surprise then that the topic of marriage is often a heated debate between children and parents in Muslim households.

The most common issue that arises is when parents and their children have opposing views on who a suitable spouse is. Often times the parents have a hard time letting go of their cultural preferences and view it as their right/job to choose a spouse for their offspring. Whereas, the son/daughter feels that they know who will be most compatible for them and feel that it is their choice to choose who they would like to spend the rest of their life with.

When going through these issues with parents, especially when it involves a religious son/daughter vs. a more cultural parent, is important to keep a couple of things in mind.

1) Our parents have immense amount of rights upon us. So even when we disagree with them and oppose them we must do so with good manners and respect.
2) Don’t be completely closed off to your parents input. It’s easy to drown out everything they have to say when you feel you are on opposite sides. Instead, listen to what they are saying and try to reach a middle ground.
3) Giving in to their demands is not a solution either. In Islam you have the right to choose your spouse. If your parents are not willing to listen to you then try approaching someone they respect to speak to them on your behalf.
4) Don’t forget the power of duaa. When it comes to finding your other half and getting your family to accept them, duaa can go a long way.

So, while it is true that we have a right to choose a spouse based on our personal preferences and specifications we should also respect our parents’ input as they have more experience in life than us. They also have rights upon us and deserve our respect and honor even if we disagree with them. At the end of the day, a parent just wants their child to be happy and while they may remain stubborn on their opinion and oppose yours they will eventually come around to accepting your stance on the matter.

Another Match Made on Half Our Deen! 314 and counting….

“Stories like this inspire me to continue making Half Our Deen better”, Baba Ali, Half Our Deen. 

Author: Nawal Shahril

Source: http://www.nawal.my/2012/04/how-i-met-your-father.html

How I met your father

To my future children. By the time you are able to read this post, I am probably in my late 30’s and still look gorgeous as ever.

This post is about a man who rocked Ummi’s world. A man whom I respect and hold on to. An amazing man who came to my life by surprise. Responsible and love his children more than his life. He loves us unconditionally. He is most proud of us although he doesn’t show it. He is our provider and our cheerleader. He is…

…your daddy.

I have met so many wonderful people. Travelled all around the world. Worked in a different country. Enjoyed every moment. I was living life. Amidst all these, I knew that there is still a missing piece in my life that I wasn’t sure what was it. I turned to Allah and did my Umrah, Alhamdulillah. It was in front of the majestic Ka’aba that I prayed and wished that Allah would lead a wonderful man to me to complete that emptiness and fulfill my deen.

How can I find myself a husband?
I turned to the world wide web for answers. Muslim matrimonial websites were my indicators. I remembered to have registered for 3 different sites. I must say I met very interesting brothers Masyaallah. Some didn’t work out. Some…almost. Some…just pain in the butt. Different individuals have different needs and expectations. Too much of expectations in fact.
But..no matter how devastated one situation after another can be, I didn’t give up. I know I have to find someone and have faith for Allah will help me.
One day when I surfed YouTube, I stumbled upon a video by Baba Ali and his matrimonial website called Half Our Deen. Knowing Baba Ali and his cool ways of giving da’wah, I thought why not give it a go. What I’ve noticed was I can’t view any of the brothers’s pictures unless I pay for the registration. Unlike other websites I’ve been to, some are free and some allowed you to view pictures prior signing up. I took out my debit card and I remembered saying ‘I’m doing this because of Allah’ and BAAM! I was registered.

Again… the process continues. In and out and after few attempts, I decided to shut down my account and just give husband hunting a rest. After a month, I checked HalfOurDeen again and I was surprised that my account was put on sleep rather than being deleted for good. Since my account was paid for 1 year service, I mustered all my strength and give it one more go.

Probably 5 minutes after, I received a message from a man that I wasn’t interested in replying at all. He messaged me before this when I had my account active. I was like ‘ Maan!, this man is damn persistent ‘ and decided to give him a chance. His name is Valentino Chavez (Vito) and the rest is history.
We talked for 7 months and I flew to the USA to meet this man of my dream. I had no idea what to expect. Whether he might be a serial killer or sex psychopath but I was sure I did the right thing. He told me, even though I would be ugly in person..he would still marry me. pffttt! (see how annoying daddy is???) I have prayed Istikharah and alhamdulillah I was sure about this man. With my parents and family’s blessing I was married by Imaam Karim Abu Zaid at Masjid Abu Bakr, Denver Colorado on March 7th, 2012.

Wow. I’m a wife??? Until now, I still couldn’t believe that I am finally… married! wooohoo!!

Married life is a new dimension. The other phase in life that you’d be tested vigorously by Allah s.w.t. Whether good or bad, just enjoy and endure it. No matter how hard the day could be..in the end you know your soulmate is waiting, arms open for you.

I am grateful that I married a super hunk awesome muslim man. A man who accepted me thoroughly. A man who introduces me to a whole new world and a new family.

I couldn’t have asked for more…except for an iMac and a craft studio 😛

Children, now you know how I met your father. In life, you have to believe in your decision and go get ’em. Be persistent and be ready to overcome any obstacles. Don’t you ever ever give up because the moment you feel that there’s no hope, all door closes and you might not get what you wanted. Have faith in Allah and Insyallah..Allah will show you the path.

and to my husband..I love you Sweetheart. May we be the best of Muslims and be a great role model for our children.

..and to Allah.. Thank you so much! You’re the best!